


Stay

by Weasleymama



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Drug Use, F/M, Neglect, Older Man/Younger Woman, Sexual Content, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-21
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-05-28 02:03:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6310705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weasleymama/pseuds/Weasleymama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maya finds herself in need of help and turns to someone she hasn't seen in years. Shawn Hunter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 2019

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to all comments!

> Shawn groaned at the loud buzzing woke Shawn from his place crashed out on the couch. His jet-lag had finally caught up with him after two days home. He pulled himself to his feet and rubbed his eyes before looking towards the microwave clock. 2:15 A.M. He groaned and pressed the button, stopping the loud buzzing. “What?” But the voice asking to come up was one he hadn’t expected at all. “Maya?” He muttered, “uh, yeah.” His voice was groggy but he acted quickly as he let her in the building.
> 
> He hadn’t seen Maya in years and couldn’t begin to fathom why she would be at his door in the middle of the night - or how much trouble this was going to bring down on him. He stood at the open door until he saw her coming down the hall – immediately starting in on her. “It’s the middle of the night! What are you doing here?! Does Katy know–” But he stopped short when she was close enough for him to really see her well. Maya had a bag on one shoulder, her hair a tangled mess that half hid her face. When her head rose at his words Shawn gasped and his eyes went wide. A busted lip, bruises and a cut with dried blood near her hairline and more dried blood smeared from her nose across her face.
> 
> “What the...who the fuck hit you?!” He snapped immediately as his protective side kicked into gear. 
> 
> “Can I come in?” Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were tired, she looked almost defeated. He nodded a little and stepped aside to let her walk into the small apartment. He did everything possible in the moment to suppress his rage. She kept her jacket on and bag held tight against her as she sat on the couch. The apartment didn’t hold much furniture, it was rarely used. He spent more time on the road than in the city, the place was more of a necessity for down time than it was a home.
> 
> “Maya?” He began, his eyes filled with concern as he sat beside her. She instinctually shrunk away from him and it nearly broke his heart. “Maya, what happened?” He asked as he shifted some to give her some space.
> 
> “Can I...stay...just for a couple days?” the eighteen year old blonde who still looked so young in his eyes asked with a hoarse voice, looking to him with something like desperation in her eyes.
> 
> “Yeah.” He muttered, “yeah, of course.” And before he could say much more she was curling up against the side of the couch, hugging her bag as her eyes closed.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “Why did you leave?” Maya asked softly, looking across the room to the man she thought would always be there for her. Surprised by her voice, Shawn turned quickly to catch her looking at him. He’d thought she was sleeping, she hadn’t made a sound and barely moved since the night before. He poured a second cup of coffee and stepped over towards her offering one.
> 
> He sat in an old leather chair that matched nothing else in the room. “Morning.” He said softly but she just stared at him. With a small sigh, he nodded. She wanted answers and deep down he knew she deserved them. “I didn’t want to. But, uh, your mother made it clear she didn’t want me around. Told me if I tried to see you she’d have me arrested.”
> 
> Maya’s brow furrowed. “She, she wouldn’t tell me anything. No matter how many times I asked.” She looked up at him again, the contrast of the bruises on her face made her blue eyes stand out. “Why Shawn?” 
> 
> “Sometimes it just doesn’t work out.” But the way she stared at him got under his skin. She looked so broken but trying to be so hard at the same time and he wanted nothing but to take her back in time and take it all away. But he couldn’t all he could do now was be honest with her and give her answers he was never given when he was growing up. “I wanted it to work with Katy. For you.” He could tell by her expression she didn’t understand. “I wanted to give you everything, Maya. I didn’t want you to grow up like me. I told you no kid deserves that. But I didn’t love her We just weren’t right for one another romantically. It wasn’t fair to her to stay and let her think it was something else. She was hurt and angry so she shut me out.”
> 
> “You should have just lied to her, we’d all be better off.” Maya mumbled to herself.
> 
> “Maya...” Shawn leaned in closer, elbows resting on his knees. “Maya, I need you to tell me what happened.”
> 
> “You _need_ me to?” She asked, turning and staring into his eyes and silently wished he’d never left her. He wouldn’t have failed her, not Shawn, he’d have taken her away from it all. He just nodded, staring right back. “She’s hooked on heroin.” Maya told him flatly, Shawn’s face went pale. “She started after I left for school. I came home for summer break and she had some guy living there. Both of them are using.” Maya’s voice was hollow as she spoke. “I had only just got home was trying to figure out what was going on when he hit her and told her to get me out.” Maya let out a bitter laugh. “Well you know me - I wasn’t going to let that happen.” She curled up a little on the couch, the bruises he hadn’t seen when she arrived were clearer now. The hand shaped bruises around her neck had been the one to shock him the most. “I got in a couple hits.” Maya met Shawn’s eyes then. “It looks worse than it is, I’m okay. But…I mean, it’s clear I didn’t win the fight. Mom…she uh, went and hid in her room.”
> 
> Shawn’s fists balled up tight as he took in a sharp breath to try and calm his anger. “She...?” Maya nodded a little, but neither finished the words, no one needed to repeat how her mother failed her.
> 
> “I don’t blame her.” She replied immediately. “He didn’t hesitate to hit her before, what would stop him from doing it again, you know? She was just…being instinctual and protecting herself.” Little did Maya know that both her and Shawn were thinking the same thing in that moment. That a mother’s job was to protect their child…though neither Hart or Hunter had that kind of mother it seemed.
> 
> Maya took a drink from the coffee and thought back to the night before. “It could have been worse.” She admitted, shocking Shawn even more. What in the world had she been through to even say those words to him. She could see it on his face and just shrugged. “He didn’t do much after I stopped fighting back…too bad I didn’t do that sooner.” She let out bitter laugh that hung in the air. “He could have killed me if he wanted to but he just…got me out of the apartment and slammed the door.” It flashed through her mind, the sweaty man kicking her when he stood and then grabbing her hair. He flung her like a rag-doll into the hall, threw her bag at her and told her it was his house now before he slammed the door. Maya picked herself up and started walking, never shedding a single tear.
> 
> Shawn didn’t want to believe that it could have been worse. He didn’t want to imagine worse than what he saw in front of him. He just shook his head a few times. “I’m so sorry, Maya. I…I know I couldn’t be there to stop it but…”
> 
> “Stop.” She told him, her head hanging down. “Don’t go getting all guilty about this. It’s my fault; I should have left and stopped fighting back. It doesn’t have anything to do with you. I don’t need some protector okay? I just need a place to crash so I can get my shit together.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Topanga sighed and glanced to Cory, the whole situation broke her heart, Katy had been a good friend of hers until the drugs entered her life. “We had to cut ties with her, Shawn. We tried to keep in touch with Maya but...” They’d told him that they knew about Katy’s drug use, that Topanga had to fire her and that they’d stopped associating with her when she showed up at their door in the middle of the night asking for money.
> 
> “Oh, you tried to keep in touch with Maya? How hard did you try?” Shawn snapped needing to make sense of all of this.
> 
> “Shawn.” Topanga sighed, just wanted things to calm down. “You know we wouldn’t turn our back on Maya, she stopped taking my calls when I fired Katy. She’s angry and she has every right to be, but we couldn’t enable her mother.” Shawn pulled out his phone as she spoke; swiping a couple times before pulling up the photo of Maya sleeping on the couch the night she arrived. 
> 
> “Look at her!” He snapped, sliding his phone across the table to them. As Topanga let out a cry and Cory gasped as they saw the sight of the gorgeous blonde with welts and bruises on her face. Shawn slumped into a chair.
> 
> “Oh my god.” Topanga muttered against the hand that covered her mouth, her eyes welled with tears. “Is she okay?!” As soon as Shawn confirmed she was the angry mother came out. “What happened to her?! Did she see a doctor?” Cory sat silent, breathing hard and feeling like as much of a failure to Maya as Shawn had been feeling. Shawn told them everything he knew his head hung low. 
> 
> Both Topanga and Shawn looked up in shock as Cory stood so fast his chair fell backwards. He was pacing like a caged animal in his rage. “She just let it happen?!” He screamed. “That useless, fucking-” he stopped, hands shaking as he caught the eyes of his best friend and wife. “We failed her.”
> 
> “No.” Topanga stood, she was furious, but she was able to hold some semblance of logic. “Katy failed her.” Her lips were tight, anger all over her face. “Why isn’t she pressing charges? I could put them both away.” Topanga’s vengeance showed as she thought of watching Katy and her boyfriend be taken away in cuffs, though she knew it wouldn’t happen.
> 
> “She won’t do it. She’s...just shut down.” Shawn replied with a saddened sigh. “How did it get this bad?” He asked, but no one had an answer for him. With his face in his hands he tried to hide his red eyes. “She could have died.” He let out half a sob and pressed his palms into his eyes trying to make it stop.
> 
> The couple looked away from the broken man and to each other, sadness filled their eyes. Each of them felt at fault for what had happened to Maya, but the couple saw then that Shawn felt more blame than either of them. That he had been yelling at them because he felt so guilty – completely responsible for letting Maya down. “Shawn.” Cory started, his anger lessening some as he sat beside his oldest friend. “It’s not your fault.”
> 
> “Yeah, it is.” He began as Cory’s hand went to his back. “I should have lied, stayed with Katy.”
> 
> “That wouldn’t have-” But Topanga was cut off.
> 
> “Yes it would. It would have changed everything, she wouldn’t have started using the drugs with me, and Maya would never have gotten hurt with me there. It would have solved everything.”
> 
> “Shawn you can’t do this to yourself. What’s done is done, what matters is what you do now.” Cory told him, hugging the other man to his side as they all sat around the table.
> 
> After a long silence, the men just leaning on one another, Topanga spoke up. “What...what are you going to do now, Shawn?” He hummed inquisitively to her, lifting his head some. “With Maya?” His brow furrowed. “You have one bedroom...maybe she should come here for a while, till she figures out what she wants to do.”
> 
> “No.” Shawn shook his head, not a moment of hesitation. “She’s staying with me. She’s got the bedroom, I’m on the couch...we’re doing fine.”
> 
> “Shawn...” Topanga began again, trying to help in her own way.
> 
> “No.” He told her again, his eyes on hers. “If she wants to leave, she will, but I will not send her away. I already let her down once, I won’t do it again.”


	2. June 2019

> ”I know we’re in Yellowstone, Hunter, I don’t know why you’re bothering with all the theatrics.” Maya laughed as she spoke and Shawn tied the blindfold.
> 
> “Will you just let an old man enjoy a surprise?” He replied, making sure the bandana was tied well and she couldn’t see anything. 
> 
> “You’re not old.” She replied almost instinctively. “And I hate surprises.” But despite the complaining, she let him help her into the car. He’d set up his next assignment for Hit the Road with Maya in mind, he had the perfect place in mind for her, hoping to help her find some happiness again. Since she’d arrived, she’d barely left the apartment – spending most of her time sleeping or curled on the couch staring blankly at the TV. Her mother’s actions – or lack thereof – had broken her heart. When his next trip came up he didn’t even ask, just handed her a plane ticket to Wyoming and told her to pack.
> 
> He stopped her from grabbing the blindfold when the car stopped. “Not yet.” Holding her hand he led her from the car to edge of the overlook so she could get the whole view. “Alright, before I uncover your eyes, I want your word that you will paint whatever you see for me to hang in the apartment.”
> 
> “If I say no, do I have to leave this thing on?” She asked. 
> 
> “Yup.” He told her with a grin that could be heard even in the single word.
> 
> “Yeah, yeah, I’ll paint you a geyser, no problem.” She scoffed, rolling her eyes behind the blindfold. At his word she lowered it and blinked her eyes to the light. Before her was a rainbow lake. The Grand Prismatic Spring. Shawn watched Maya as her eyes went wide. “Holy shit.” She muttered, her lips remaining parted in awe of the sight before her. Before she could stop him, or throw up a hand, he had his camera out and snapped a picture of her with her shocked expression.
> 
> “Still hate surprises?” he asked her with an almost cocky smirk. 
> 
> “It looks like spilled paint.” She said so softly it was almost a whisper. The colors were bright and gorgeous in the afternoon sunlight. “Can we go down there?” She asked him, noticing then other people on a walkway much closer to the steaming water.
> 
> “Of course.” As Maya took off down the steps towards the water, Shawn walked much slower, snapping photos as he moved in. He’d wanted to remind her there was still beauty in the world even when you’re sometimes surrounded by anything but.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Shawn Hunter had not lived with anyone since college. He had been on his own and done well for himself. Before he knew it, the bedroom was filled with the boxes Maya brought home from school, his coat closet was filled with his own clothes and his bathroom held makeup and girly scents all around. His fridge held real food, and he was making full pots of coffee instead of single cups. He’d fooled himself into thinking he knew Maya so well, into thinking she was still that same kid he’d bought clothes for years before. 
> 
> She was a young woman, she drank strong coffee and snuck cigarettes on the fire escape when she didn’t think he was paying attention. She painted what she felt and lately it was all very dark with the exception of a bright rainbow lake that hung on the living room wall. She didn’t act shy with him, she said what she felt and did as she liked. She didn’t look to him as an adult taking care of her, but as a friend helping her out. She had grown up too early herself and it wasn’t something a girl could take back. She didn’t need a father anymore, but he did fill the need she had – a friend. 
> 
> The living situation was taking getting used to from them both, but they seemed to silently choose to adjust rather than figure anything else out. It wasn’t ideal with the small apartment, but after a few weeks they grew to become incredibly comfortable with one another. Maya stopped calling out before she came out of the bedroom in the morning, Shawn stopped covering his eyes if she came out of the bathroom and took four steps to the bedroom in a towel. 
> 
> Maya’s own words rang in her ears the more comfortable she got – I just need a place to crash. It had become far more than that after a month the small apartment had begun to feel like a new home and it both comforted her and frightened her. Much like the loss of her father, Maya pushed her feelings aside, she didn’t need to show the pain; Shawn knew it was there…he’d experienced it himself. 
> 
> Shawn too was growing more comfortable with Maya as time went on and it was turning his world upside down. In only a few weeks, he was considering a girl twenty years younger than he was to be one of his closest friends. He trusted her, he didn’t treat her like a father would….she was his friend now and it was hitting him how much he needed that. He had grown so used to his life on the road – of keeping moving so not to get attached to those who leave – that he forgot how good it could feel to have someone truly be there for you.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “I can’t believe this was really your choice for movie night.” Shawn laughed, looking at the selection she made on the television screen. “You’re going to make me sit through this?”
> 
> “You bet, at least this doesn’t have subtitles.” She teased for his last selection. While she’d liked the film he chose the week before, she wanted something they could laugh at. 
> 
> “This one isn’t made for people who can read.” He teased in return plopping down on the couch beside her and handing her over the bowl of popcorn. They both ended up laughing in no time at the unrealistic plot involving Sharks and tornados. 
> 
> Just as a shark somehow swam into a house the intercom for the door buzzed loudly. Maya jumped and Shawn burst into laughter. “Shut up!” She called out, throwing a pillow from the couch at him as he got up. 
> 
> “Yello” Shawn called down to the street, his smile wide as he glanced back at Maya when the pillow missed him.
> 
> “SHAWN!” The screech of the woman’s voice rang through the apartment. Maya jerked her head to the side, meeting his eyes with her own contorted look. They knew that voice. “I know you’ve got her in there! Maya! Babygirl, mama’s here!”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “Maya?” Shawn questioned softly as soon as the young girl moved to hug her mother. The older blonde was sweaty and shaky but her eyes were clear. She looked rough, her hair a mess and clothes rumpled. She had come looking for help, told Maya she was sorry for what happened to her, that she was sorry for how weak she was. She hardly acknowledged Shawn; instead she just focused on her daughter who was still shorter than she was though looked stronger. She had pleaded with Maya to help her…that she wanted to stop using and be okay again. She wanted to be a mother again and make up for all that had happened. She said she made Ray leave, that she would never let him back in their lives and she would never disappoint Maya again. 
> 
> Shawn could see the forgiveness in Maya’s eyes, how much she needed to believe it, how much she needed her mother. She needed the words to be true. “It’s okay.” Maya muttered, but Shawn didn’t know if she was speaking to him and his concerns or to her mother and the pain in her tired eyes.
> 
> As Maya went to get some things together to go home with her mother, Katy sat at the kitchen table, looking over to an apprehensive Shawn. “Thank you for taking care of her.” She told him but Shawn could swear he heard resentment in her tone. 
> 
> He nodded and muttered ‘yeah’ as he moved past her and into the bedroom where Maya was packing up a bag. “Maya?” He said softly as he closed the door behind him. Before he could say more she spoke up.
> 
> “I’m okay, Shawn.” Maya told him with a glint of joy in her eyes that worried him. She had her hopes up already, after only 5 minutes of apologies she’d already forgiven all that had happened. “I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you letting me stay because I’m going so fast. I do, more than I can say.” His smile was soft as she thanked him and he moved in, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin against her head.
> 
> “You are always welcome here.” He assured her, refusing to take back the key he’d made for her, reminding her she could come back anytime for any reason. 
> 
> “Um…” She began, pausing to look around the room and back to him. “Would it be okay if I came back for some of this stuff later? I don’t want to keep her waiting. If she’s serious about this, I want to get her home and get the place cleaned up.”
> 
> “Of course you can, you know there’s plenty of room here.” Shawn sighed; he felt like he had so much more to say to her but didn’t know what it was. He pulled out his wallet, “Listen,” he began, folding the $68 in half. “Here, take a cab back instead of the subway, get you back faster.”
> 
> “Shawn…” She sighed, knowing he wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Thanks.” She moved in again, her arms wrapping around his middle and hiding her face against his chest. She breathed him in as his arms moved around her back and his eyes closed for a moment, not wanting to let her go.
> 
> “Alright.” He muttered as she began to pull back. “Stay safe, call me if you need _anything_ and…you know…don’t be a stranger.” It was generic and he knew it but he didn’t know how to say goodbye to her. Katy had taken away his chance to say goodbye four years before, now that he had one he didn’t want it.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “You let her go?” Cory seemed shocked as Shawn sat down with them and explained the most recent goings on with Maya and Katy.
> 
> “What do you mean ‘let her’?” Shawn asked with a wry chuckle. This was Maya after all, there was no ‘letting’ where she was concerned, never had been. “She’s an adult, Cor, she can do what she wants. I just…I’m worried about her.” 
> 
> Topanga sat a cut of coffee in front of Shawn and moved to sit down with them. “Did she look like she was clean?”
> 
> “Maybe.” Shawn replied dryly, letting out a sigh as the same worries in his mind were filling the minds of his friends. It had only been four days since Maya left, but he hadn’t heard a word from her since then. He didn’t want to call or go over there if she was indeed helping her mother get clean they wouldn’t need his influence – he wouldn’t be helpful. “Do you think she can stay clean?”
> 
> “I don’t know…” Cory shrugged with a sigh. “I’d like to hope so, I know she loves Maya…but I’ve always heard that if you don’t do it for yourself you won’t be able to do it.” 
> 
> The three of them went silent for a while then, each truly wondering if Katy could make it. It was nearly ten minutes later that Shawn spoke up again. “I got an assignment to go to California.” The couple looked up, almost hoping he was changing the subject, but his eyes gave him away. “In Napa Valley, I’d be gone for two days.” Topanga’s brows rose slightly, waiting for him to say what was really on his mind. “What if those two days away are when she needs me?”
> 
> “Oh, Shawn.” Topanga began with a frown. “You can’t do this to yourself, you can’t stop living on a ‘what if’.”
> 
> “I know that, but, it’s Maya.”
> 
> “We know you care about her, buddy.” Cory began. “But it’s like you said, she’s an adult now, she can handle herself. Plus, you gave her a key, right? So if she needs you, she’ll go and you’ll be back the next day.”
> 
> “If she goes there and I’m gone….” Shawn shook his head. 
> 
> “You have to give her a chance to be okay with her mom, Shawn.” Topanga swallowed hard. “You’re not her father.”
> 
> “I know that, I don’t think of her like that, I mean…she’s not a kid and I wasn’t around long enough when she was one. But she’s my friend, I know its weird okay. She’s 18 and it’s weird for a 38 year old man being friends with an 18 year old, but…” He trailed off, shrugging. “Look, I’m just worried about her. If she needs someone, and goes there and it’s empty she could take off.” _Like I would have_ Shawn thought to himself.
> 
> Topanga and Cory’s eyes met as Shawn spoke, they truly had no idea how he saw Maya until then, both sure he looked at her as a father would. But, Shawn had never been a father and he’d even told Maya years before he didn’t know what he was supposed to be to her….. 
> 
> _He sat with Riley and Maya on the window seat, trying to understand what exactly his fifteen year old ‘niece’ was trying to tell him. “So you’re saying Pluto is Angela?”_  
>  _ “No, I’m saying Pluto is believing in something out there no matter what anybody says. Especially you.” Shawn took in Riley’s words. “Because there is.” _  
> _ “How are you not getting this Buddy?” _  
> _ Shawn looked up as Cory spoke and then his eyes found Maya immediately. He took in a breath as he stood, walking towards her. “You believe in me?”_  
>  _ Maya looked up. “I do.” _  
> _ “I don’t know what I’m supposed to...be for you.” _  
> _ “Can you just be out there for me?” Maya opened herself up to a lot where Shawn was concerned, a vulnerability that she didn’t often show to many other than Riley. _  
> _ “Yes.” His response was immediate. “I can do that. I-I want to do that. What do you call that?” _  
> _ “It doesn’t matter what you call it.” Maya told him, and beyond seeing so much of himself in her, he saw a maturity in her. “I just want to know that you’re there.” She didn’t ask for a lot from him, she didn’t label things or push him to be something, she just wanted him in her life. _  
>  _“Okay.” He moved to sit beside her, wanting to somehow make her life feel safer than his ever did at that age. He looked into her eyes and spoke with complete honesty. “I’m there.”_
> 
> Father hadn’t been on the menu for him, not deep down. He just cared about her as a person. Cory began to wonder to himself if Shawn only went to Katy because he wanted to be something for Maya, if that was why it didn't work out and why he blamed himself so much for all that had happened to her. Slowly things that hadn't been thought about in years were finally making a lot more sense to those on the outside, to Cory and Topanga. He’d have been there more if Katy had allowed him to do so, and they all knew it, and now it seemed to make more sense to Cory and Topanga exactly how he saw the girl they’d brought into his life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [**Quote from Girl Meets Pluto**](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/6d/45/b6/6d45b64bfce8d4b3bc2ef6670c2e59a8.jpg)


	3. September 2019

> Shawn didn’t hear a sound when the lock clicked open, he didn’t hear her walk in and take off her shoes. He didn’t hear her creep through the apartment and into the room that had once been hers. Shawn didn’t even move when she laid down on top of the covers on the empty side of the bed. Curled into a ball, Maya fell asleep next to a deeply sleeping Shawn Hunter.
> 
> Maya had spent two months living with her mother, trying to clean up the mess her mother had made of her life and keep her away from the drugs. She’d cleaned up the apartment that looked like a disaster zone, she even forgave her mother for selling everything they owned for the drugs. Maya didn’t know what it was to have an addiction, but she saw desperation in her mother’s eyes and it terrified her. She made sure the home was completely free of all drugs, flushing anything she did find stashed around the house. She’d been shocked to see how much was hidden away…in places she didn’t even realize were good for hiding. She had come to learn how paranoid an addict could get – and in turn how nasty. As her mother started to come down she became hostile and mean, she lashed out at her daughter and cried in pain and sickness.
> 
> Maya had done everything she could to help her mother, including truly believing everything the woman told her. It wasn’t until Maya was ready to go back to school that things changed drastically. Her school account was emptied along with her savings and checking accounts. Maya hadn’t needed money when she was living with Shawn, he’d refused to accept her spending her savings. It wasn’t until the check she sent to hold her dorm room bounced that she realized there was a problem. In one afternoon Maya found that every dime her mother had put away for school over her lifetime, every dime Maya had earned working after school and from birthdays and selling her things…was all gone. Accounts in the negative and accruing more fees than had originally been saved. 
> 
> After having told Shawn everything was fine for months, for assuring him it was going to be okay and she was safe and happy…she was now slipping into his apartment in the middle of the night after breaking down and feeling like she had nowhere to go.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Shawn’s eyes opened slowly as morning crept up on him, he stretched and scratched over his beard and scalp before rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He sat up before he noticed she was there. “What the—“he exclaimed jumping backwards away from the unknown blonde in his bed. He moved too far in his shock and tumbled right off the side of the bed, landing with a thump on the hardwood floor. Shawn let out a groan, rubbing his back as Maya shot up with a jolt at the sound. She looked around quickly, having forgotten for a moment where she was. “Maya?” Shawn asked as he pulled himself up. “What are you…are you okay? Are you hurt?” 
> 
> She blinked hard, focusing on him then and her face went red. What had she done? “I...I’m sorry.” She muttered, rubbing her face and thinking about the night before. She’d walked away from her mother after hours of screaming at her. She’d been so furious and hurt and betrayed that she’d grabbed a bag and just walked out the door. She’d screamed back that her mother had ruined her life and left the woman crying behind her. “God…what did I do?” She muttered, dread and shame hitting her like a smack in the face.
> 
> Maya was moving fast as she slid off the bed and started back into the living room. Shawn followed as he pulled on his shirt. “Maya, what happened?” His brow furrowed as he watched her pulling on boots. “Maya. Stop.” He didn’t understand what was going on, she seemed to regret coming, was trying to run away from him of all people. Sure, she’d climbed into his bed, but he didn’t regret that, it wasn’t as if it was inappropriate or anything. She came to a halt with only one shoe on as she looked up at him. “What is going on?” He asked her, his tone serious and laced with concern.
> 
> “Shawn I… I’ve got to go, I’ve got to get back before she does something.” She was quick to put on the other boot then and was heading towards the door. She stopped, turning back to him as he stared at her. She let out a sigh, feeling like she was disappointing everyone. She let go of the doorknob and moved back towards him. She gave him a quick hug. “I’m sorry, I know it’s not okay for me to just come in here and bail without explaining…but I’ve really got to go okay?”
> 
> Shawn nodded as he hugged her back. “Just, promise you’ll call me later and explain okay?” She promised and was out the door before he could get much more out of her.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “It’s my fault.” Maya whispered softly as she sat on the front steps of Shawn’s apartment building. She’d stopped hiding her smoking from him, taking a long drag from the cheap cigarette. Her eyes didn’t meet his. “I left her alone after screaming at her and she broke down and called him.” 
> 
> Shawn’s arm moved around Maya and pulled her closer, her head on his shoulder. “It’s not your fault, Maya.”
> 
> “Yeah, it is.” She told him between hits of smoke. “They were both so stoned I don’t even know if she saw me come in. I was gone less than a day. She started using the first time because I was gone.”
> 
> “Did she tell you that?” Maya shook her head no, Katy had never said the words, but Maya believed it either way.
> 
> “Didn’t need to. She was lonely when I left and met Ray.” Maya exhaled in a sigh. “I leave her and she loses her shit. She can’t do it without me. I knew it and I left.” 
> 
> “Maya…You can’t…” He hesitated, not even knowing the words to hell her. “Listen…I know she’s your mom, but you can’t fix anyone who doesn’t want to be fixed.” Maya just shrugged. “I’m not saying she’s a bad person, Maya…she’s sick, it’s not your fault.”
> 
> The two sat on the stoop for a long time, mostly quietly just leaning on one another. Maya had come right back once she saw the man who nearly killed her was back in her home. She stepped out without a word, neither even knowing she was there. Shawn was outside at her request…she didn’t want to come in yet, she didn’t want to be closed in, she felt like she couldn’t breathe as it was. He right came down, still in flannel lounge pants and sock-feet and sat with her. He wouldn’t leave her side, not yet.
> 
> With tear filled eyes, Maya looked up at Shawn. “How can I abandon my mother…I’m not a leaver, I’m not.”
> 
> “You’re not abandoning her.” He insisted, reaching over and touching her cheek when she tried to break his gaze. “Look at me. I know you’re not a leaver. Walking out if he is there was the right choice. You didn’t abandon her last night, and you didn’t abandon her last year. You did nothing wrong.” Her bottom lip shook as she kept her eyes on his and he knew the tears were going to spill. He pulled her in close, her face hiding against his old gray t-shirt as she let the tears fall. He rubbed her back slightly as he closed his own eyes. He hated that she was going through this, that he couldn’t take this away for her no matter how much he wanted to.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “Are you sure you want to do this?” Maya asked softly as Shawn buzzed Katy up into his apartment once more. He nodded and offered her a small smile.
> 
> “I can’t promise you it will work, but I will try.” _For you._ Shawn wasn’t truly sure this was what he wanted, but he was sure it was what Maya wanted. Maya wanted her mother to be okay, wanted her to get clean and Shawn could only see one option at this point. Rehab. She didn’t ask him for anything, and he knew she never would – but he knew her well enough to know that she was lost for what to do at this point. He’d offered to pay for the rehab if Katy would go on her own – that night. He didn’t tell Maya that he wasn’t sure how he’d cover the costs completely, he knew she’d refuse his help if he was using all his savings to help her. 
> 
> Katy looked nervous when she entered, almost paranoid. Her eyes shot around expecting some kind of ambush intervention at her daughter’s call. But instead it was just Maya and Shawn waiting for her. 
> 
> “Do you want to stop, Mama?”
> 
> “You know I do, baby girl, you know I want to be better for you, for us.” She was pleading for help and understanding again but this time Shawn wasn’t sitting silently in the background. 
> 
> “Okay.” He spoke up, his eyes on Katy. “Then we go, right now.” Her eyes shot up at him quickly.
> 
> “Now? What do you mean we go now?” She asked him, her nerves showing once more.
> 
> “He means he’ll take you to rehab, Mama. Shawn wants to help you.” Maya spoke softly with her mother, as if the woman was a runaway child.
> 
> “I-I can’t go now, I need to go home. I have to get stuff together and…and lock up and…” She stumbled over her words, standing and pacing around the room, feeling caged. It was one thing to say it, it was another to do it. It would hurt, she knew it would hurt. 
> 
> “Mama…” Maya reached out, but Shawn put a hand on her shoulder to keep her seated. 
> 
> He stood and moved in closer. “Katy.” He said in a flat voice, getting her attention. “We’re not going back to your apartment, there is nothing there you need. If you want to do this, we will do it right now.” He had a bad feeling if they went back to the apartment, she’d never go.
> 
> “I…I just need a little more…just to get me through.” Maya’s eyes closed as her head hung low at her mother’s desperate words. 
> 
> “No.” Shawn told her sternly. “If you want this, we leave now.”
> 
> “It’s already paid for! I’m not wasting all that money!” She snapped at him as if it had been food he was threatening to let spoil rather than let her eat. He just stared at her with unamused eyes. “I’m sick!” She nearly shouted at him as she turned away quickly. “Don’t you get that I’m fucking sick!”
> 
> As Maya’s eyes closed tighter, Shawn moved in closer. “I know.” He touched her shoulder. “So let me take you somewhere that will help you get better.”
> 
> “Mama, please.” Maya pleaded, red eyes looking at her mother. She got up then, moving in close, standing between her mother and Shawn. Her eyes were filled with tears she didn’t want to fall. At one look from Shawn, Maya knew she had to say the words they’d practiced. “Mama, if you don’t get clean, I can’t come home. I can’t be there when you’re using anymore.” It was a threat and she hated to do it, but it was the only thing she had on her side. “Please.” Shawn had a feeling the threat of her baby not coming home again was the only reason Katy let him take her that night.


	4. November 2019

> As the sun shone through the window Shawn groaned, rolling over to hide his eyes from the light as he woke. His head was pounding from the hangover. He pulled the pillow from under him and covered his head, hiding from the day. In the dark muffled place his mind went over the night before….. 
> 
> _“How much did you spend on this?” Shawn asked, looking down at himself and then up at Maya. She had put together their Halloween costumes, vintage suit for him, and a navy dress on her…both as close to the 30’s as she could find in the various hole-in-the-wall shops in New York. She had altered the clothing, holes all over and fake blood. Bonnie and Clyde – after the shoot-out with fake guns and all. She smiled as she applied some fake blood to his face._
> 
> _“Don’t worry about it.” She replied happily while placing the hat on his head and tilted it to the side a little. When they arrived at the party he hesitated, making her stop and turn back. “What is it?”_
> 
> _“I’m too old for this.” He told her, a slight shake to his head._
> 
> _“How many times do I have to tell you…you are only as old as you feel. Do you feel old?” He rolled his eyes at her, he didn’t feel old, but he didn’t exactly feel 19 again either. “It’s not like we’re at some dorm, there will be lots of people here.” He knew the friend of hers from work was older than she was, but he still felt like he might be out of place there._
> 
> _Several drinks in and he was laughing with a brunette in her late twenties dressed as Wonder Woman. She had been lingering close to Shawn and with each teasing joke her hand touched his chest and she moved in closer. Wonder Woman backed him against the wall as she kissed him deeply, she tasted like strawberries – some kind of wine cooler she’d been drinking all night._
> 
> _When he pulled back, he rested his head back against the wall and letting his eyes focus. Maya was in view then, across the room, looking at him with what he could only describe as pain. His brow furrowed, knowing something was wrong as Maya turned on her heels and went out the door. “Maya!” He called, but she didn’t stop. He had to pull Wonder Woman’s arms off him to try to follow Maya out the door._
> 
> _When he reached the street he began to panic, she’d never taken off like this – not from him...she always turned to him when something was wrong. He spotted her finally and ran to catch up with her, his much longer legs closing the distance between them. “Maya.” He breathed out as he reached for her, “What happened?” He asked, concerned immediately someone had hurt her, upset her in some way._
> 
> _She turned and jerked her arm out of his hand, his face was instantly filled with hurt and a confusion that Maya quickly cleared up. “I didn’t bring you with me to watch you make out with some chick with a cheap costume and fake tits!” It was just then that he realized that he was the reason she walked out. Being on the receiving end of her anger was something he never experienced before._
> 
> _“Maya, I…” He didn’t understand what was happening yet - not until she moved in. Her arms went around his neck and before he could even attempt to stop her, Maya’s lips were on his. He didn’t know if it was shock or the liquor in his system, but he didn’t stop her…instead he kissed her back. His head spun and his arms moved around her back, grounding him to it all while his eyes closed._
> 
> Shawn’s eyes shot up under the pillow as he felt the shift in the bed beside him and the weight against his side as someone’s arm draped over him. He didn’t move the pillow to see, instead his eyes shut tight against as more of the night came back to him. The person in his bed held onto him as they slept and the rest of the night was flooding back into his mind. 
> 
> _When it finally clicked in his head what he was doing, Shawn pulled back. His jaw dropped opened as he looked down at her with wide eyes. “Maya….I…” He shook his head some as he tried to find words while her blue eyes looked up at him without any shame for what she’d done. “We can’t do this.”_
> 
> _“Yes, we can.” She told him, licking her lips and moving in closer to him once more. “You want to, I know you do.”  
>  Her eyes never left his. “Give me one good reason not to kiss you right now and I won’t.” The night of drinking had given her more courage than she’d had in a long time. She was admitting things she’d been feeling since he smiled over at her at Yellowstone. _
> 
> _The alcohol in his system however only made it harder to think, harder to give her a reason why this was not a good idea, why they shouldn’t gross this line. It wasn’t why he’d moved her in, it wasn’t why he’d been in her life. He’d seen a kindred spirit in her, not a lover. Shawn shook his head once more. “Maya…we- I’m old enough-”_
> 
> _“No, you’re not.” She told him, eyes filled with adoration as she moved in a little closer. His age didn’t matter to her, it wasn’t what it had ever been about. “Tell me you don’t want to kiss me again.”_
> 
> _Shawn’s head was spinning and nothing made any sense. Kissing her had been something he’d never once thought about until she did it, but once she had, it felt like it would never leave his mind. His heart was racing as he watched her lips curl into a smile, she was beautiful – even dressed like a gunshot victim, she was the most beautiful girl in the world to him in that moment. “Fuck…” he mumbled to himself before he moved in, lips crashing into hers as he pulled her small body against him. The curls in her hair fell loose as Shawn’s hand raked through them._
> 
> How they’d gotten home early that morning had been a blur to him, he remembered kissing, hands roaming, her fingers against his skin. And as he tried to remember how they got home, his courage grew and he managed to allow himself to assess the current situation. He was still dressed – mostly – his pants were on, belt still buckled. His shirt was missing but that didn’t change much. He took in a deep breath and slid the pillow off his head, allowing himself to take in the daylight. Squinting he looked to her, with her arm around him, curled up close to his side and sleeping deep, Maya too was still dressed. Silently Shawn thanked God they didn’t go any further than the kissing. That they didn’t do something that he not only didn’t remember but that either of them was likely to regret.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> As he pulled out his keys and let himself into the building lobby Shawn spoke aloud to himself. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” He practiced the words he’d decided were best to tell Maya when he got back from his weekend in Boston. He’d gone on assignment without her, she had to work and he thought it was a good chance to think about what happened between them Halloween night. “I’m too old for you. It could ruin our friendship.” He reminded himself of all the reasons it was a bad idea to get involved romantically with her. 
> 
> He unlocked the door to the apartment and took in a deep breath. She looked up from her place at the kitchen table – a table-top easel in front of her and a paintbrush in her hand. She smiled wide as she put down the brush and stood, wiping her hands on her jeans. Shawn froze in place; it had been easy not to see her as a romantic interest while he couldn’t even see her but looking at her now, standing with her messy hair and paint smears on her jeans he just smiled. “Don’t move.” He told her, pulling out his camera and aiming it at her. He snapped photos of her rolling her eyes at him, laughing at him and a couple of her moving in closer and putting her hand in front of the lens. 
> 
> She pushed the camera away and moved in to hug him, taking a deep breath against his chest. It had only been a couple days, but she’d missed him, they’d spent so much time together recently that the 3 days apart felt longer somehow. His arms went around her and he took in the smell of coconut, paint and cigarette smoke and just smiled to himself. “Have a good trip?” She asked as she pulled back. 
> 
> “Yeah…give me a few and I’ll show you the pictures.” He told her, carrying his bag into the bedroom. Within thirty minutes, Shawn showered and feeling much better. He sat on the couch with Maya, camera in hand as he flipped through the photos. “It’s a really cool place.” He began, explaining the history of the Liberty Hotel in Boston. “It was a jail in the 1850’s and when they renovated it, they kept the jail theme. Check this out, coffee and cell bars.” He told her with a chuckle as he flipped through his photos. 
> 
> Shawn didn’t know how it happened, but before he knew it, the camera was on the coffee table and they were kissing again. It wasn’t until she was moving in closer, practically on his lap, that he realized what he was doing. “We shouldn’t be doing this.” Shawn muttered against her lips though he made no effort to move away from her. 
> 
> Maya pulled back at his words though, looking at him sideways for a second. “You wouldn’t be doing it if you didn’t really want to.” She told him and he couldn’t deny her that. He did want to, but wanting something and doing what was right were different. “Shouldn’t…” She sighed and moved back – but only a little - she’d grown too comfortable with Shawn to really close-up with him. Before he could explain she started talking. “Let me…” She nearly laughed holding up her hand. “You think I’m too young. You’re worried about what people will think. You…what? Think you’re supposed to be something else to me because that’s the impression **someone** else put on you when we met?” 
> 
> The look of discomfort on his face let her know that it was likely all three. “Maya, I’m old enough to be your dad…shit they wanted me to be.” The Matthew’s had been trying to influence his relationship with Maya since day one. 
> 
> “They’re dreamers, they have perfection in their lives and think everyone else can have it too.” Maya jumped in quickly, her thoughts about the family she grew up with very honest. “I love them, but you know as well as I do they don’t always think in reality.” She paused, looking at him and seeing in his expression that he knew exactly what she meant. 
> 
> “Maya…” He sighed, hadn’t he figured this all out over the weekend, didn’t he know just two hours ago exactly what he was going to tell her? 
> 
> “Just wait.” She told him, putting herself out there more then than she had in a long time. “Do you care about me?” 
> 
> “You know I do.” 
> 
> “Are you attracted to me?” She asked him bluntly and while he hesitated for a moment, he nodded, eyes finding hers again. “But you don’t think you should be?” 
> 
> “I **know** I shouldn’t be.” He replied. “You’re 18, Maya, I’m 39.” But she just shrugged, his age meant nothing to her, if anything his maturity only attracted her more. “And you shouldn’t be attracted to me either…you need to find some nice guy your own age.” 
> 
> “Well I am attracted to you and I don’t see anything wrong with it.” She told him stubbornly. “It’s not just a physical attraction, Shawn.” She continued. “Your photos and your words, its art. You see the world for what it is and still find beauty in it. You don’t bail, you don’t push me away even though I came back into your life and only caused trouble. You helped my mom, you help me.” She looked right into his eyes as she spoke. “I see how you look at me, Shawn. You take my picture when you think I’m not looking, you reach for me, hold my hand or put your arm around me. This isn’t one sided.” She paused, looking at him, a man as stubborn as she was. “Tell I’m wrong.” She challenged him. “Look at me and tell me I’m wrong and you feel nothing and I’ll drop this right now and we’ll go back to how it was.” 
> 
> Shawn kept his eyes on hers, listening to her, her open heart her truths. “I …I can’t.” He admitted. “But not all feelings are right.” 
> 
> “Why are you fighting this!?” She let out exasperated. 
> 
> “Why are you?” He snapped back.
> 
> “Because you are worth fighting for!” She pushed a hand thought her hair letting out a groan. “This isn’t wrong, feeling like this is not wrong. You’re just scared. You don’t know how to handle that you feel something for me because of what someone else wanted you to be five years ago. Well you’re not my dad, Shawn, you’re not my guardian. You’re my friend. **More** than my friend.”
> 
> “Maya… I’m not good at this. There’s a reason I’ve been single most of my life. Of course I care about you, of course I want you…anyone would be crazy not to want you. But, I’m not good at this. I don’t want to fuck up and lose you.” 
> 
> “You can’t lose me unless you leave me…and you’re not a leaver.” She told him softly, the few words telling more about her than even she realized. “You know what I want, Shawn…but this ball is in your court.” She shifted some, not leaning into him. He would have to come to her if he wanted her, and if he didn’t she’d know that what they were to one another wouldn’t go beyond their strong friendship. 
> 
> Shawn sat silently for a moment, taking in all she’d said, all he’d admitted. Knowing she wasn’t wrong in anything she’d said. She was observant and had watchful eyes that took in so much of the world around her – even the emotions he hadn’t realized he was showing. He’d been trying to hold back, trying to not feel what he had been feeling for her, but it was hard. He’d convinced himself in her absence that he was right to do it, but once she was there, challenging him, he knew it wouldn’t go away. 
> 
> He turned to her, watching her as she tried not to look at him, watching her as she chewed on the inside of her lip. He didn’t say a word, but instead reached over. His fingers pushed into her hair, sliding against the back of her neck as she turned her head to look at him. Maya had allowed herself to hope with Shawn more than with anyone else in her life, and she did it again as his eyes met hers. He held her gaze only a moment before he pulled her towards him and lost himself in the kiss.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Shawn sat on the couch with Maya’s legs in his lap as they watched TV after dinner. He’d been quiet since she got home from work and while she’d noticed, she waited for him to come to her with whatever was on his mind. And when he finally turned to her and said he wanted to talk to her about something, she smiled gave him her attention. “So…next week.” He began and she had a feeling where this was going. Thanksgiving was next week and they’d not been around the Matthews since they’d elevated their relationship. “I was thinking maybe we could get out of the city for a few days. Maybe drive up the coast; it’s an amazing view in the fall.” 
> 
> Maya’s brow shot up and she shifted on the couch, letting her legs drop off his lap as she sat up. “You want to go on a trip for Thanksgiving?” She asked him, almost baiting him with her tone. She smirked a little as she cocked her head to the side. “Any reason?” and he knew she could see right through him and he let out a sigh. 
> 
> “Truth?” He began, knowing she would nod before she even did it, her arms crossing as she watched him. “I want to go to the dinner, but I don’t want to tell them about us.” Shawn heard how his words sounded as soon as they came out and had been surprised she didn’t look crossly at him. He was possibly digging himself a hole he couldn’t get out of, but she gave him the benefit of the doubt and waited. “I’ve thought about every possible way that conversation could go and none of them make for a nice family dinner.” 
> 
> Maya thought about it herself, about how each member of the family would react to see them as a couple when they’d all pushed for something much different. Cory would completely freak out, quite possibly to the point of some adult sized fit. Topanga would be rational, but harsh about every possible negative thing they would encounter. Riley would freak out as much as Cory if not worse; Auggie would think it was gross. Alan and Amy would be appalled and disgusted with them, having known Shawn as a child. If the other siblings came it was very possible they too would react badly. Maya nodded to Shawn, understanding why he would want to avoid the situation entirely. She knew herself well enough to know she would blow up at anyone who criticized her relationship. She would defend their relationship to a possibly irrational level and the fights would break out. The risk that Shawn would be forced to choose between her and the Matthews was terrifying, she couldn’t ever be sure that he would choose her. 
> 
> Shawn watched her face fall some and had a feeling they were both thinking about the same things. “Listen…” he began, taking a breath and accepting his fate being whatever she would say next. “If you want to go, we’ll go, but I do not want them to know about us." 
> 
> After a long moment, Maya spoke, meeting his eyes and opening herself up to whatever he would say. “Are you ashamed?” 
> 
> “Of you? Never. But, of me? A little.” He admitted – promising her he’d always be honest long ago. 
> 
> “Of us?” 
> 
> “Not ashamed.” He told her quickly. 
> 
> “Then what?” 
> 
> “I...I don’t know.” She thought they were past this, they’d talked it all out…but apparently he’d been holding back. Her lips tightened a little at his words and she took in a sharp breath. She was on her feet and ready to snap at him when his hand wrapped around her arm. “Maya, just listen.” He stood as well, wanting to explain before she blew up – he could see in her eyes it was coming. Her brows rose, listening but running short on patience. “This isn’t easy for me, I have never known what I was supposed to be to you, but I didn’t expect it to be this. But-” He continued before she could stop him. “It **is** this and I am not telling you that I think it’s wrong, I’m telling you that **they** will.” 
> 
> “And you care more about what they think than what you think of yourself?” She challenged him. “You mean to tell me they’ve never been wrong?” He sighed a little, it was hard to find faults in Cory and Topanga when they had all he wanted, they must be right to have it all. “Give me a break, Shawn! They’ve been together their whole lives, how could they possibly understand what finding someone is like as an adult? How could they possibly ever give you advice on finding someone when they’ve never been alone?” She sat back down then, but on the opposite corner of the couch from him. “I’m not saying we need to tell them, it’s not anyone’s business what we do. But that doesn’t mean you should fear their opinions when before their reaction even crossed your mind we were fine.” She crossed her arms across her chest, staring him down. 
> 
> “Maya, I don’t even know what we are.” He told her abruptly, the tension in the room building. “What am I to you? Are we a couple? Are we seeing what happens? We live together for fucks sake, it’s all happened pretty damn fast you could cut me some slack if I’m still trying to figure it all out.” 
> 
> “You want me to move out?” She asked him quickly. 
> 
> And just as fast he answered. “No.” He pushed a hand through his hair and sighed. “No, that’s not what I mean. But it is fast, Maya, it’s not dating when you turn into an automatic relationship, we missed some steps here and if we go over there and announce something that is still new to us, something we can’t even define, I don’t know how I can defend it to them without it sounding like I’m just in it to fuck an 18 year old.” Maya couldn’t help but snicker, the soft sound lightening the mood between them with an ease. They hadn’t actually had sex yet so for anyone to think that it was only about the physical between them would be sorely mistaken. Shawn smiled to her as she laughed, her crossed arms loosening as he slid a little closer to her. “I don’t want them judging us, I don’t want Cory getting in my head about this.” 
> 
> His honesty brought her in and she nodded, she truly understood what he meant now she’d given him a little more time to explain. “Okay…” She told him softly, her blue eyes watching him close. 
> 
> “Okay?” 
> 
> She nodded and smiled softly. “Yeah.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “That was the most awkward meal I’ve ever had in my life.” Maya muttered as she sat down on the subway with Shawn, moving to rest her head over on his shoulder as his arm went around her. Maya tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth, causing him to turn into her. Her hand reached up for his bearded face, keeping him close as she whispered against his lips. “I’ve been wanting to do that for hours.” Dinner with the Matthews had gone well - only because the two had hidden the nature of what they'd become the entire night.  
>  Shawn smiled against the kiss, his hand sliding into her hair as he held her close. “You and me both.” He replied before his mouth closed over hers once more. 
> 
> The two kissed contently without much notice on the train. It was easy to be missed in New York, to blend into the crowd and they did it well no matter the odd difference in age between them. No one seemed to care and it was one of the greatest things to Maya, that she could openly be with him and not have anyone ever making her feel like she was wrong. Shawn kissed her like he was 18 again, no concerns for anyone around them or their opinions, just enjoying time with her. She made him feel carefree and young it wasn’t anything he understood or could put into words, but he hoped on some level she understood what she did for him. 
> 
> When she pulled back, she smiled affectionately up at him and pulled his arm back around her shoulders. “Did you try the pie Riley made?” And the conversation about the evening continued with ease.
> 
> With wide eyes and a twisted expression, Joshua Matthews stood at the other end of the same train car. He’d jumped on just before the doors closed and squeezed in near the back and while he was out of sight of most, Maya and Shawn Hunter were in plain view to him. He could hardly believe what he was seeing and it wasn’t until the kiss broke that he was even sure that it was them. He was torn between going over there and staying out of it. His mind reeling until his chance to intervene was lost. Hand in hand, Maya and Shawn stepped off the train and headed up towards the street…while Joshua Matthews on the other hand couldn’t stop himself from staring at them. “What the fuck…?” He muttered to himself, unable to look away as they walked out of sight.


	5. December 2019

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have been reading and are returning for more. Thank you so much for coming back. I know this has been hanging out there for a long time without any progress and the truth is I have been utterly blocked and having trouble making this flow in a way that made me happy with it.
> 
> So I did what sometimes has to be done, I reworked it. This chapter has been re-written. Some parts may sound the same as previous, but in the end it changed drastically from what it was before.
> 
> I really hope that it's well received and would love to hear your thoughts on it all! Thank you everyone!

> He looked over the back of the couch towards her. She sat painting at the table, she’d taken it over completely and they now ate meals on the couch but Shawn didn’t mind. He loved her art and loved to see she was getting more and more into it. She was happy when she painted, she was releasing things inside herself that she didn’t know how else to get out. “Maya?” He began, but she didn’t look up, only gave him a little hum to let him know she was listening as she painted. “Why won’t you go back to school?”
> 
> He caught her off guard with that one and she looked away from the canvas, eyes meeting his. “Trying to get rid of me already?” She teased and focused back on her painting. 
> 
> “Well you did drink the last cup of coffee.” He replied, his eyes not leaving her. “But really…why don’t you want to go back?” 
> 
> She didn’t look at him this time. “I’ll go back one day.”
> 
> He stared at her in silence until she looked back up. “Why?” 
> 
> “I don’t want to anymore.” She told him. “I can paint right here and I can do it with putting myself in debt.”
> 
> “You know you can clear up your credit a lot easier if you just explain what happened.” But her glare stopped him short on the topic they’d discussed more than once before.. “Okay. Sorry.” He conceded without her even having to tell him to let it go. They’d had that discussion and she wasn’t doing it again. “I don’t want you to regret not going…and…” he sighed, feeling egotistical even thinking it, but he didn’t keep things from her so he continued. “I don’t want you staying for me at all.”
> 
> She offered him a gentle smile that reached her eyes. “I’m not, Shawn. I know you would be fine without me here.”
> 
> “Well…don’t know about that.” He smirked to her and stood, moving over behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head while looking down at her painting. “I love having you here, I just don’t want to hold you back…you have so much talent.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “You know how I said not going to school right now wasn’t about you?” She asked him softly. The room was dark and for all she knew he was sleeping but it had been weighing on her mind since he’d brought it up.
> 
> “Mmhmm.” Shawn hummed at her shifting in the bed a little to let her know he was awake. 
> 
> Maya rolled towards him, feeling the warmth of his arm as it held her while her head rested on his shoulder. “Well, it’s kind of true. But not how you think.” She spoke quickly, wanting to explain before he butted in. “I was so excited to go at first.” Her hand rested against his stomach and his moved to lie on top of it. “To learn more about art, to be surrounded by artists and in a world I understood. And it was great, it was. But without that money, I’ll be in debt forever if I go back with loans.”
> 
> “You know I would help you.” He spoke softly as he rolled to his side to face her.
> 
> “I know.” She told him quickly. “I know you would, but I don’t want that.” She sat up and looked down at him as he watched her closely, both of their eyes adjusting quickly to the darkness. “I don’t want to be some kept woman, I’m not with you because you will do things for me.” Shawn was quiet as he listened. “I don’t need to be at some school in Connecticut to be surrounded by artists, I’m with you and you’re more of an artist than most of them. I don’t need to be there to learn about art, I can do that on my own without spending ten grand a year. I want to be with you, here, I want to work and maybe take some night classes, I want to have freedom and be able to take off with you some weekends. I liked school, I did, but…I like this more.”
> 
> “I like this too.” He began “But…”
> 
> “I’m not saying I’ll never go back” She cut him off before he could give an argument otherwise. “Right now, I just want to be here. With you.” Shawn smiled up at her, reaching out and touching her hair softly then pulling her down to him. “Is that okay?”
> 
> “Of course it’s okay.” Shawn told her. “I’m not here to tell you what to do with your life; I think you know what’s best for you. I just want you to know that I’ll support you and you and I will be fine no matter what you choose to do.” He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “I want you to have the world, Maya.” 
> 
> Maya held back from uttering the words ‘I love you’ at that moment. She wanted to say them, even bit her lip to keep them in. Those words were ones you couldn’t take back and it terrified her. She worried that saying it too soon would somehow ruin things, make him nervous and they’d never be able to come back from it. Instead she just shifted and kissed him softly. “Thank you.” She whispered against his mouth before kissing him once more.
> 
> Maya’s leg hooked over Shawn and in seconds she was straddling his hips and leaning down as they kissed deeply. His hands both pushed into her hair as it draped around him, pushing it back and holding her face as he kissed her. He groaned into her mouth as he hips rolled against him, feeling the heat build between them. She pulled back slowly, licking her lips as she sat up on him. Shawn looked up at her, dim lights from outside left a streak across her face as she pulled off the old t-shirt and tossed it aside. 
> 
> He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her back down against him, bare chests pressed close together as he kissed her. His fingertips began at her back and slowly slid down her body, hands cupping her behind as her hips rolled against his. Her hands on the other hand began at his chest and moved up the side of his neck. Her fingertips moved against his beard as she gently raked against the course hair with her nails. 
> 
> When Maya’s phone began to buzz she was far too caught up with Shawn to even notice it. The two were a tangle of roaming hands and sweaty skin and far too consumed with one another to even notice the phone. As Shawn and Maya made love, the phone vibrated to the floor and was completely forgotten.
> 
> Across town, Riley had been trying to call her best friend. She’d received a call from Josh, wanting her to come talk with him and as soon as she’d heard what he had to say she was trying to call Maya. “You’ve got to be mistaken; it couldn’t be them. It was crowded right? It could have been anyone.”
> 
> “It was Maya and Shawn.” He told her definitively. It had been a week since he’d seen them on the train and he was no less disgusted and confused now as he had been then. He knew he had to tell SOMEONE, and Riley seemed like the perfect option. He could trust her and she knew Maya well …she would know what to do. All Josh knew was that someone had to stop this.
> 
> “Well she’s not picking up, but…listen Josh, I know you think you saw them, but maybe part of you just had them on the mind since you’d just been with them. And maybe…” She trailed off, her face twisting a little. “Maybe you kind of wanted it to be Maya…to give a reason for…”
> 
> Josh let out a huff. “That’s ridiculous, Riles, you’re taking that freshman psych class too seriously.” Though, she could be right, it may be the reason Maya to have rejected his advances on Thanksgiving night. He was happy to hear Maya was coming to dinner, he’d been thinking about her a lot. He’d tried to flirt, even to ask her out but she’d politely declined. “I know it was them, and it was disgusting. Shawn is old enough to be her dad, you said she was just crashing there, but I’ll bet money a lot more is going on in that place than you’ll ever know. Think I’m wrong? Well let’s go over there right now then, I’ll prove it to you.”
> 
> Riley frowned to her uncle, he was taking the rejection really hard, but it didn’t seem like him to fabricate a story like that. One thing was for sure, he believed it was them. “Josh, I don’t need to go over there, it’s late and you seem really upset. Maybe you should just sleep on it before you go accusing people.”
> 
> “I have slept on it, Riles, I know what I saw. C’mon seriously, you can’t think it’s okay for them to be hooking up.”
> 
> “I’m not saying that at all! I just can’t imagine they’re **actually** doing that…just...” She made a disgusted face and shook her head. “It would be so gross.”
> 
> “What’s your psych class say about girls with no dads going after old guys?” He challenged. “She’s gonna get hurt, Riles. He’s using her because she’s young and hot.”
> 
> “Josh! This is Shawn we’re talking about! He wouldn’t do that.”
> 
> “He already did it.” Josh let out a frustrated groan. “Ugh! Riley why don’t you believe me!?” It was starting to offend him that she was shooting him down despite having seen it with his own eyes.
> 
> Riley let out a softer sigh, knowing she was making Josh angry without meaning to. “Because, Maya would have told me. I’m sorry Josh, but…she’s my best friend, she wouldn’t keep something like this from me if it were happening.”
> 
> “Then you’re in for a big disappointment.” Josh told her flatly.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Eventually Josh pushed Riley enough and she finally agreed to take him to Shawn’s apartment if only to shut him up. She told Josh over and over that he was wrong, that she’d show him. She couldn’t wait to gloat with an ‘I told you so’ as soon as they saw Maya and Shawn were completely innocent. Neither considered the late hour, after all this was Maya and Shawn, who would think they’d be in bed before 11. Riley buzzed the door and when no one answered she just shrugged and was ready to walk away from it all, but Josh wasn’t letting it go. He slid his hand down all the buzzers, knowing that out of all the tenants that someone was likely to just blindly buzz the door open – and he was right. 
> 
> “Josh, they’re not home, why are we even going in?” Riley asked in a low voice as they went up the stairs. 
> 
> “They’re home, I know it.” He told her stubbornly and she just let out a defeated sigh and followed him. Riley knew she shouldn’t have given him the apartment number when he began to bang on the door over and over.
> 
> “Josh, c’mon, this is stupid! Say you’re right, what are you even going to say to them?” Riley urged tugging on his arm so he’s stop hitting the door but her eyes shot up when she heard a female voice yell from inside.
> 
> Maya pulled on the closest piece of clothing a plaid robe that was too big for her. She tied the belt tight and started out towards the door. “I’m coming!” She called out, annoyed. “I swear,” she muttered to herself. “If you have the wrong apartment I’m going to...” She pulled the door open abruptly and her eyes went wide seeing Josh and Riley at the other side of the door. She cursed herself for not checking who it was first. Riley’s eyes were just as wide as Maya’s as they caught sight of one another. Maya stood in the entrance in a man’s robe, her hair a tangled mess, face flushed and lips kiss-swollen. And if that wasn’t enough…
> 
> “Who is it?” Shawn called out as he stepped out of the bedroom in boxers. His hair was also mussed and skin flushed and sweaty and if someone looked close enough they’d see the light scratches on his fore arms from his very young girlfriend gripping him tightly. “Fuck.” He said under his breath. 
> 
> Maya looked back and forth between their visitors and Shawn, feeling the panic rise up in her chest. Their secret was out. 
> 
> “I told you!” Josh practically shouted.
> 
> “Oh God.” Riley mumbled. She went pale, then a little green. She covered her mouth and turned quickly, taking off back down the stairs. 
> 
> It was the first in many times to come that Maya was ashamed of Josh. He should have gone after her, left Maya alone and took care of his family. He turned to Shawn, strong anger in his eyes. “I know what you’re doing.” He pointed at Shawn, walking inside without an invitation.
> 
> “I think you need to go check on Riley, Josh.”
> 
> But Josh ignored Shawn’s calm reply. “She could be your daughter.” 
> 
> “Shut up!” Maya snapped, bringing his angry eyes to her instead of Shawn.
> 
> “How can you do this?!” He shot back. “How disgusting can you get, he dated your mother! Are you so screwed up from not having a dad that you need fuck a guy who did your mom?” 
> 
> Shawn glared as he took a step forward but he wasn’t as quick as Maya. “Fuck you!” She screamed, swinging and punching Josh right in the mouth. “You don’t know anything about me!” Shawn grabbed her around the waist before she swung again.
> 
> “What the fuck, Maya?” he snapped, reaching for his bloody lip. 
> 
> Shawn took a deep breath, only slightly loosening his grip on Maya. “You need to go Josh.”
> 
> “I can’t believe I ever wanted to be like you.” Josh spat out. 
> 
> “Get the fuck out of my house, Josh!” Maya snapped, and Josh stopped, staring at her for a moment. Her words struck him. Her house. She called it her house and Shawn didn’t even look surprised. That was when he knew it wasn’t just fucking, this was something else…and that made it so much worse than he imagined it was. Without another word Josh turned and walked out.
> 
> He found Riley on the sidewalk waiting for him, still looking pale. “Oh my god! What happened to you?!” She asked, jumping up. “Did Shawn-“
> 
> Josh shook his head though. “Maya.” Riley took off back into the building before the door closed. She didn’t know what was going on but none of it could be good. Maya and Shawn were…ew. And now Maya was hitting Josh. This was out of control and she needed to fix it. Now.
> 
> Josh left the door cracked open when he walked out and Riley could hear Shawn and Maya from the hall “I...it’s not like that. You know it’s not right?” Maya sounded like she was pleading with Shawn as he put some ice in a towel.
> 
> “I know, it’s not.” He told her softly, leaning in and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You didn’t have to hit him.” He told her as he put the ice on her hand and sat with her on the couch. “I’d have been happy to do it.” He told her, trying to make her smile. Riley watched them from the crack in the door, trying to understand what was happening. “Hey,” he reached down for her chin. “Look at me. If I thought anything he said was true, I wouldn’t be with you.” His fingers tucked back her hair. “I know you, Maya. Everything’s okay. Josh is just angry and confused and sheltered and trying to hurt you for some reason. Don’t let him in your head.”
> 
> Maya nodded a little, wiping tears off her face with the back of her hand. “Are you going to let Cory in your head when Josh tells them?” She asked him bluntly. They both knew what was coming next, Riley knew, Josh knew and neither of them were going to keep this from Cory and Topanga for very long if at all. 
> 
> Shawn let out a soft sigh and shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I can’t tell you he won’t because he always has. All my life I’ve had either Cory or Topanga in my head about something.” He paused, taking a minute to let it all sink in. She was right, this was going to come out sooner than later. He couldn’t even fathom what Cory would possibly say to him, but he knew it wouldn’t be a congratulations. He would be furious, disgusted, he’d say things like Josh had. “I don’t want them to and uh, I hope when the time comes you’re next to me to remind me that.” 
> 
> And she finally smiled. “I will be.” She told him, uniting them in a completely new way. Shawn leaned in, his forehead resting against Maya’s, just looking at her for a while before he kissed her gently. 
> 
> Riley saw them both differently in that moment, she forgot who they were for a second as she listened to them talk, she actually found herself able to look past it all as she pushed the door open. Maya and Shawn’s heads both turned at the sound, looking at Riley with trepidation. “I, uh” She began, trying to figure out what she was even feeling. “I don’t know what Josh said to you, but I know if you hit him it was bad. So, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I brought him over here, I told him it was a stupid idea. But that’s when I thought he was wrong. But that’s not important, It’s not my business and I…I’m just sorry.” She’d begun to ramble and Maya looked at her with a softened expression.
> 
> Shawn and Maya looked at one another and Riley saw something there she’d seen between her parents, they seemed to be able to talk without talking. Shawn nodded. “Riles, you want to hang out for a bit and we can talk?” Maya asked her, hopeful expression on her face. She was worried about how Riley would take this - worried Riley would pull away from her with a lack of understanding and she’d lose one of the most important people in her life.
> 
> Riley sent Josh on home without her – though he wasn’t thrilled about it – and she went back up. Sitting on the couch with Maya with hot chocolate, the girls talked for a long time about how everything came to be between Maya and Shawn.
> 
> “Yeah, I mean I get it that he’s good looking or whatever.” Riley began. “But he’s…” She leaned in, lowering her voice. “He’s old Maya, older than my dad even.” 
> 
> “Yeah, he’s older…but he’s not old by any means.” Maya began and Riley turned up her nose. Shawn had moved into the bedroom to give the girls some space.
> 
> “But…he was like your dad, it’s gross.” 
> 
> “It’s not gross.” Maya told he friend firmly, letting her know it was a little offensive of her to word it that way with just the tone she used. “And he wasn’t ‘like my dad’, you just tried to make him my dad when I was 14.”
> 
> “Yeah but what do you even talk about?” Riley didn’t get it and she was feeling even younger than she was as they talked. “He’s almost forty, Maya, do you even have anything in common really?”
> 
> “We do, we have nearly everything in common except our ages.” Maya smiled, her eyes looking back towards the bedroom where he was lingering, waiting for Maya before trying to sleep. “We talk about art and we travel, we talk…Riles we talk for hours about everything. We understand each other because we’ve both experienced a lot of the same things.”
> 
> “Yeah, but can’t you understand all that and not…do stuff?”
> 
> Maya couldn’t help but chuckle. “I _want_ to do stuff.” She told her friend who looked skeptical. “What? Did you think that was all him because he’s _old_?” Maya laughed, feeling like that had to be put in Riley’s head by Josh, Riley’s mind never went to the physical over the emotional. “Riles… _ **I**_ pursued **him**. I know you think he’s old, but…I think he’s the best looking man I’ve ever seen in my life. I kissed him first he tried to be logical about it, like you’re being, but…I wanted to be with him.”
> 
> “So it was all you?” Riley asked. Josh had been very wrong. “That’s why you didn’t want to go out with Josh…you were already together with Shawn at Thanksgiving weren’t you?” It was like the lightbulb above Riley’s head lit up.
> 
> Maya nodded. “It all started on Halloween.”
> 
> “Are you…happy?” Riley asked softly, what mattered wasn’t how she felt about them, it was how Maya felt.
> 
> The smile that hit Maya’s face was an instant giveaway, more than her words would be. “I really am. And it’s crazy because I came here when my life was turning to shit.” She spoke softly and Riley reached for her hand. “I know I don’t talk about it a lot, Riles, but it was bad. I got beat up, all my money stolen, my mom was on drugs…and Shawn he just… he makes me hope, he helped mom, he helped me, but not like a parent, just…a friend. And I wouldn’t be the first girl to fall for a good friend.”
> 
> Riley sat pondering things for a long time, sipping on her chocolate and taking in the home Maya was sharing with Shawn. “If you don’t want to tell me I’ll understand but… what did Josh say to make you hit him?”
> 
> Maya’s face fell some and she glanced over her shoulder towards the bedroom and then back to Riley. She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Riles.” Maya didn’t want to tarnish Josh any more for Riley than he’d already tarnished himself. “It was just really mean. Then I was worried it was going to get in Shawn’s head and he would think I was fucked up and not want to be with me.”
> 
> “Yeah…” Riley nodded a little. “I heard that part a little…sorry.” She looked a little ashamed for eavesdropping, but Maya didn’t seem to care. “Also heard what you said about my dad.” Riley added, catching Maya’s eye.
> 
> “Shawn respects Cory, you know they’re closer to each other than anyone. And your dad is going to hate this. I’m worried he’s going to try and talk Shawn out of wanting to be with me. I’m really happy, Riles and I don’t want someone else to fuck this up. Neither of us do really, it’s why we’ve been keeping it to ourselves.”
> 
> “I won’t tell them, but…I can’t say what Josh is going to do. He seemed pissed when I came back inside.”
> 
> Riley was a little surprised when Maya just shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll go to them tonight if he can, nothing I can do to stop it now, just…hunker down and wait for the storm to pass.” Maya offered a smile to Riley. “It scares me, but…kissing Shawn the first time scared me and it turned out really good, so, I’m just going to hope it doesn’t go badly and take it one day at a time. Shawn talked me out of having Josh in my head tonight and I just hope I can do the same for him with Matthews.” Maya told her best friend and Riley was almost proud of Maya. The relationship didn’t make sense to her, but Maya was so mature about it and so strong. And she had hope – something that came in and out of Maya’s life more than anything else.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> After a week, Cory and Topanga did the one thing Maya had feared, they showed up at the apartment. They wanted to talk about something, so it was going to happen no matter what Shawn and Maya seemed to want. With a pizza in hand, Cory and Topanga walked into the small apartment with forced smiles. Immediately they were looking around as if looking for a bright sign that said ‘Josh was right!’ in big blinking letters.
> 
> Maya didn’t say a word, only watched Shawn close the front door behind them and felt like the walls were all closing in around them. This was her sanctuary, her safe place, and they were invading it. She silently cleared her paint supplies from the kitchen table. She put an obvious fake smile on when she was greeted directly but then turned on her heels quickly to take her things to the bedroom. 
> 
> Pulling the door closed behind her, Maya put her stuff on the dresser and then leaned against the wall. She slid down it to sit, holding her knees. This was it, this was where they got in his head and ruined everything. She took a few deep breaths, trying to lie to herself about how bad it would be, wishing they would just leave her alone. 
> 
> Shawn slipped into the room. “You cannot leave me out here alone with them.” But at the look of his much younger girlfriend sitting on the floor his brow furrowed. He closed the door and moved over to kneel before her. “Are you okay?”
> 
> Maya swallowed hard, looking into his kind eyes as she considered telling him what was truly on her mind. She took in a breath before she spoke. “Are you going to end this if he wants you to?” She asked him bluntly. 
> 
> “What? Maya that’s ridiculous.”
> 
> “No it’s not. If he tells you this is wrong and you can’t be in their life if we’re together, are you going to leave me?” 
> 
> “He’s not going to-.”
> 
> “Shawn.” She cut him off. “Would you leave?” She wasn’t emotional about it; she sat tall and looked him in the eyes. She needed him to talk to her, not comfort her.
> 
> And in turn, Shawn looked directly into her eyes and without hesitation he spoke. “No.” Maya looked unconvinced. “Okay, I know I said he got in my head a lot, but c’mon Maya, I’ve known the guy since I was six and he’s always had it together so it’s hard not to let him in there, but he doesn’t make decide my life for me. I’d be a very different person if he did.” Shawn reached out, pushing her hair back. “It’s you and me.” He reminded her.
> 
> “You and me.” She repeated as they stood. He pulled her close, tilting his head down and letting his lips brush against hers. She caught his lips and held him in the kiss for a few more seconds before stepping back. Her worries still lingered but she put on a brave face as they walked out.
> 
> Topanga had set the table and had the box of pizza sitting in the middle, the last thing on Maya’s mind was eating but she sat down politely and took a slice anyway. The four of them sat in silence as they all picked at their food, no one wanted to be the one to speak, to bring up why they were there – even though everyone already knew. “So uh, thanks for dinner.” Shawn began once the table was cleared up. “Guess we’ll see you guys later.” He jumped up and moved to get their coats for them a smile on his face. And for a second Shawn and Maya thought they could get out of the inevitable.
> 
> “Actually…” Topanga’s motherly tone came through and Shawn froze before going into the bedroom where they’d thrown the coats on the bed. “We thought we’d all sit and talk for a while.” Maya’s eyes darted to meet Shawn’s.
> 
> “Uh, sure, make yourselves comfortable.” He muttered, leaving the coats where they lie. Shawn lingered, letting everyone else sit first, Cory and Topanga took the couch and Maya was in the arm chair so Shawn pulled over a chair from the kitchen table and sat down only to jump back up again. “Anyone want coffee?”
> 
> “No, thank you.” Topanga replied and then nudged Cory hard, clearly wanting him to speak up. 
> 
> “Ow, I mean, no, no coffee, just wanted to, uh.” He let out a nervous laugh. “Okay, this is going to sound ridiculous, but uh, Josh seems to think the two of you are sleeping together.”
> 
> Maya’s eyes went wide. He’d just gone right for it. And it sunk in quickly. Josh had told them what he thought but they didn’t want to believe him. Shawn and Maya met eyes quickly and then they both began to laugh, Cory joining in as well. 
> 
> Cory wanted Josh to be wrong so he didn’t even wait for them to deny it just took the laughter as denial and accepted it, but Topanga wasn’t so easy. She saw through the nervous laughter, to the shared look that happened before the laughter, to the awkward dinner, to the lack of bedding on the couch where Shawn told them he slept. She eyed them for a moment. “So Josh is wrong?” She asked bluntly, breaking the laughter with her words. 
> 
> “Of course he is.” Cory answered, wanting the laughter back but Topanga’s eyes were on Maya. She couldn’t turn to look at Shawn and see what he wanted her to say without giving it away. They hadn’t had time to make a game plan, to decide if they should lie or just come out with it and now Maya felt cornered. 
> 
> “Maya?” Topanga said softly, eyes never leaving the young blonde and Cory’s face seemed to drop instantly. No more laughing, no more smiles, now they both stared at her. If Shawn wanted to just get it over with and she lied she risked his being upset or thinking she was ashamed, but if she told the truth and he didn’t want them to know it could be even worse. 
> 
> Shawn watched as she swallowed hard and he sighed, she looked like a deep in headlights and it didn’t seem fair to him for her to have all the focus on her like that. “It’s true.” He spoke up, taking all the focus off Maya and bringing shocked looks his way.
> 
> Cory broke the silence this time, letting out a loud forced laugh. “Okay! You got us! Even got Josh in on it.” his laughter turned nervous as no one else seemed to find anything humorous. “Good one.” He said lamely as he looked to Topanga. Her eyes were sad and disappointed. She shook her head a little to her husband. “No.” He said firmly. “No, it’s a prank. My best friend wouldn’t do something like that.” He looked desperately to Shawn. “Right, buddy? Tell her.”
> 
> But Shawn’s eyes went from Cory to Maya, finding support in her to be honest when he could have run from it all. “Cor, listen…I know it’s hard for you to understand, but Maya and I – “
> 
> “Oh, don’t even!” Topanga cut him off. “Don’t give us some bullshit about how you have _feelings_! You’re twenty years older than she is, Shawn! What were you thinking?! She grew up with Riley, Shawn! She’s like one of our kids!” Her voice was almost shrill as she shouted at Shawn. 
> 
> “I’m not one of your kids.” Maya replied, crossing her arms over her chest but Topanga just huffed and turned away from her. 
> 
> “How do you not get how wrong this is?” She was back on Shawn. “I wouldn’t expect her to get it, but you should.”
> 
> “Why?” Maya spoke up again, refusing to be left out of a conversation about her own love life.
> 
> “What?” Topanga almost looked harassed to be interrupted by the girl.
> 
> “Why is it wrong? You said you don’t expect me to get it, so explain it to me.” There was a slight bite in her tone but she kept it in check. “Or maybe I just don’t get it because it’s not actually wrong, you just don’t like it.”
> 
> “It’s not healthy Maya, and frankly if you need to ask you’re proving my point. You’re too young to understand and therefore too young to be having some affair with a man old enough to be your father.”
> 
> Shawn opened his mouth, but Maya put a hand up to stop him. “It’s not an affair.” She began with cold eyes. “It’s a relationship. And while he may be older than me, I don’t see how anything we’re doing is unhealthy or any of your business for that matter.” Maya hoped on some level this would end the discussion. Maybe the Matthews would realize they were crossing a line and leave private matters where they belonged. But on another level, she knew better.
> 
> “Of course you don’t see it,” Cory let out almost exasperated. “You’re eighteen and think you have it all figured out but really you’re just a kid with some problems looking in the wrong direction to solve them.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at Shawn then, he felt like he didn’t even know him anymore. “You’re a textbook case, Maya. You didn’t have a dad around so you crave attention from older men. And instead of speaking with a professional and dealing with your problems you cling to a man who won’t walk away because he has all the same abandonment issues you do.”
> 
> Now both Shawn and Maya had their arms crossed defensively. “Alright, enough.” Shawn said, now growing angry with his best friend.
> 
> “Am I wrong?!” Cory exclaimed. 
> 
> “Yeah, you are. You didn’t even want to believe we were together and now you think you’ve got it all figured out?” Shawn was disappointed in his friend, but at the same time, he hadn’t expected much different. 
> 
> “I don’t need to have it all figured out to know it’s wrong.” Cory shook his head at Shawn. “This isn’t what you’re supposed to be for her, you know it isn’t. You were supposed to be there for her, be a parent for her…not this.” His disgust flowed out. “It’s like you’re sleeping with my daughter, it’s sick.”
> 
> “I’m not your daughter!” Maya snapped again. “My god, you two are so self-righteous! You have only ever been with each other and you think you have any right to tell either of us how to have a relationship? Think you have any right to call me a daughter after you turned your back on my mother? She hated Shawn and he still helped her, but you? You two just sat up on your pedestal and shut her out. You really think I give a damn what either of you think?”
> 
> Topanga stiffened. “We couldn’t enable her Maya, you know that. And that is not why we’re here.”
> 
> “No you’re here to butt into something that’s not any of your business. I’m an adult, I grew up faster than either of you could realize so no, the numbers in our age don’t matter to me. What matters is that he gets me, he cares about me and we’re happy together.”
> 
> “He can care about you without having sex with you.” Topanga replied with tight lips. Her eyes shot over to Shawn. “You’re taking advantage of a girl with daddy issues because you’re terrified to be alone and never find someone to spend your life with.” Maya glared hard as Topanga talked down to Shawn. “You can’t possibly think that this is going to last, she’s 18, you’re nowhere near the same place in your lives, you have nothing in common and when this ends its going to ruin you both.”
> 
> “You’re going to destroy each other, do you get that? And when you do, we won’t be here to pick up the pieces.” Cory added in. 
> 
> Shawn’s eyes cast down as the fears crept in, that feeling that he was going to not only lose everyone, but also hurt them in the process. That he was going to hurt Maya. She watched him as he deflated and could see that they were getting into his head. “What does that mean?” She asked quickly, drawing Cory’s attention to her.
> 
> “It means we won’t support this. We can’t be around this, Maya. It’s wrong.”
> 
> “So you’re going to turn your back on your oldest friend because he does something you don’t like?” Maya challenged. But Cory just stared at her. “You sit here and berate us and talk about how we’re going to destroy each other, but you don’t know that. You don’t really **know** anything. Not about me and not about us. You two just like to think you know everything.” She wasn’t going to let Cory ruin this without a fight. “You two are so fucking perfect,” Maya continued. “Well the rest of the world isn’t perfect, it isn’t happy and everything doesn’t work out…so when you find someone who makes you happy, who supports you and becomes your partner in a life that’s really hard, you hold into them and you let them know you appreciate them and what you have. You cherish it, you don’t think about when and how it’s going to end. Not everything that doesn’t fit in your bubble is wrong.” She was getting louder, but not shouting. But when she looked over, she saw Shawn, a smile on his face. She smiled back and locked on his gaze for a moment before she looked to Cory and Topanga again. “I’m not asking your permission, I’m an adult and I don’t need your approval. But if you turn your back on the best friend you’ve ever had because he does something you don’t like, then you’re a shitty friend.”
> 
> “Cor…” Shawn began, he’d found strength in Maya’s strength and he opened himself up to be rejected. “I know this is hard for you and I know you don’t understand what we have. I know you wish this never happened, but I don’t. And I’m not going to be ashamed and apologetic about it. It’s not fair to Maya or myself for me to do that.” Shawn sat up a little more, watching his friends as the realization that he wasn’t going to end this hit them. “I…” Shawn looked to Maya once more, smiling as he met her eyes. “We’re happy. We’re both adults and we’re happy. That’s all that should matter, man.”
> 
> Cory and Topanga both stood up then, as if they knew what the other was thinking. “It’s not all that matters.” Cory said sadly as he walked past Shawn to get their coats. “You can’t just do anything you want that makes you happy without considering the repercussions, Shawn. People have a conscience, morals and we live in a society that needs order in able to work. You can’t just do whatever makes you happy or it would all be chaos.” He pulled on his coat and then held Topanga’s for her as he continued. “It’s wrong, Shawn. I hope you realize that soon and do the right thing.”
> 
> Shawn and Maya both stared in silence as Topanga and Cory as they let themselves out and walked away without another word. When the door closed it seemed to startle them both. Maya got up and stood in front of Shawn, wrapping her arms around him. She hugged his head against her stomach as his arms moved around the back of her legs to hug her where she stood. “It’s okay.” She told him softly. “They’ll come around…eventually. They just, um, need to cool off.” Maya’s only focus then was to make sure Shawn was okay. She hadn’t felt like she belonged with that family since they’d turned her mother away so she didn’t feel like she was losing anything when they walked away, but she knew well that wasn’t the case for Shawn. It would have been Riley walking away and she wasn’t sure she’d have been as strong as he was if that were the case. Maya stood holding him, stroking his hair until he was ready for her to let go, wanting to show him that she would never walk away.


	6. January 2020

> 10…9…8…7… The people pressed Maya closer to Shawn in the crowd. He’d wanted to make sure she knew that no matter what Cory and Topanga said to them, he was not ashamed of her or what they were. He wanted to be with her and he didn’t care who knew that, he’d say it proudly. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her chest to chest with him – a feat only possible because of the 5 inch heeled boots she wore. Her cheeks and nose were reddened from the cold but she smiled so brightly it just made her glow. Almost nose to nose they two of them smiled as they did the countdown to midnight with millions of other people. 
> 
> 6…5…4... They could see the ball of lights from where they stood in Time’s Square. They could hear the music and feel the excitement all around them, but even with everything happening, Maya and Shawn’s eyes stayed on one another. He smiled wide as he counted forgetting all the problems with their friends and only caring about her in that moment. 
> 
> 2…1… At the stroke of midnight everything exploded around them. Silver shimmering confetti fell all around them, the cheers were loud and so was the music, Auld Lang Syne seemed to echo in the streets. Balloons and balls flew around, bottles of champagne were shaken and sprayed despite the freezing weather. And Shawn moved in to kiss Maya deeply. His gloved hand pushed into her hair and held her close to him as he kissed her deeply, oblivious to the world around him.
> 
> Maya kissed Shawn until she lost her breath, pulling back and feeling almost dizzy. She held herself close to him with an arm around his neck as they both took in a few deep breaths. Shawn was mesmerized by Maya, even close together he just watched her. From the gloss on her lips to the bit of her teeth that showed when she laughed. The way her nose went red in the cold but didn’t look silly, how she wore fingerless gloves so she could smoke without singeing her mittens. Everything about her made him smile, made him feel good inside, even in the frigid temperatures, he felt warm with her close to him.
> 
> His words weren’t clear at first, when he spoke in almost a whisper and the crowd around them was deafening. “What?” She asked leaning in some to try and hear him.
> 
> “I love you!” He shouted, forcing his voice over the noise around them. Maya froze first, eyes wide as her lips spread into a huge smile that only made her seem to glow more as the confetti continued to fall around them. 
> 
> “I love you too!” She shouted back before their lips met again. She ignored the welling tears behind her closed eyes while she clung to him tightly while she kissed him. It was the first time she could remember that anyone told her they loved her first other than her mother and Shawn wanted her to hear it so much he shouted it in the middle of a million people. 
> 
> All over the city people were celebrating the New Year differently. Cory and Topanga were enjoying a kid-free night at home alone. They’d opened a bottle of wine and actually started a romantic fire in the often unused fireplace. They planned to watch the ball drop on TV and just be together. They’d been embracing more and more time alone now that their kids were getting older – not to mention they weren’t seeing their best friend no matter how nearby he was. Unfortunately the happily married couple didn’t make it to midnight, both were their pajamas and asleep on the couch when the countdown ended.
> 
> The Hilton Garden Inn was right in the center of Times Square and had the best view of the ball dropping right outside the window. Stewart Minkus had rented out the Penthouse suite for his son to throw the party of the year while he and his wife spent a week in Aruba. Farkle was dateless, but was happy to be showing everyone an amazing time. He smiled softly as he glanced around to see Riley throwing a handful of confetti in the air. Jade, a girl in his Statistic’s class, stepped up beside him and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Happy New Year, Farkle.” But he just smiled politely and returned the words and a raise of his champagne glass. 
> 
> Near a window Lucas planted a kiss on Riley’s lips, stopping her next confetti throw and bringing her closer to him. People around them were yelling and cheering, champagne was being popped open and shaken to spray over everyone. Surrounded by laughter and joy, Lucas looked into Riley’s eyes. “Will you marry me?” He asked and her immediate reaction took them back in time as she let out a ‘yay’ and nearly knocked him over with a kiss. “That’s a yes, right?” He teased her, pulling a ring from his pocket to put on her finger.
> 
> Nearer to NYU, Josh’s head spun with the beer he’d been chugging all night. The frat party with people he didn’t know was loud and intense. He’d seen a small blonde whom he’d thought for a drunken-second was Maya. When really, she was a 25 year old grad student named Ashley who resembled Maya more with every drink he had. As the cheering began when the clock struck 12, Josh was in a bed upstairs with Ashley, kissing her deeply as they had sex in a stranger’s bed.
> 
> The quietest New Years of all was the one at St. Peter’s, the rehabilitation facility that Katy Hart had been living in for a little over two months. A group of patients watched the ball drop on TV but Katy didn’t want to see it. She didn’t want to be reminded of all the happy living going on outside while she felt trapped. She didn’t want to think about how she’d rather be celebrating that night. Her first sixty days in rehab had been a hard process, she’d been avoiding actually coming to terms with her real reasons for using and even still the counselors were having trouble getting through to her.
> 
> Katy had been adamant on Maya staying away, she didn’t want her to visit and see her so sick, but now her counselor was pushing for her to ask Maya to come in for a family counseling session. It would give Katy a chance to apologize for what had happened and move further in her steps and also give Maya some closure with things in the past as well. But Katy still hadn’t called her daughter, it was hard enough being a single mom, but knowing you were a failure at it was even worse. 
> 
> But that night Katy finally accepted what she needed to do. “It’s Maya, you know the drill.” The voicemail beeped on the other end of the phone and Katy let out a sigh. Something inside felt better that she could just leave a message and not have to hear her daughter say no immediately. 
> 
> “Hey babygirl.” Katy began, taking in a deep breath and trying to get her thoughts together. “So um, Happy New Year, I really hope this year is better for us both. Listen, I know I told you I didn’t want you to come here, and I know you probably don’t want to do it anyway. I know I’ve messed things up, but um, Dave, my counselor thinks that it would be good for you to come in and we could talk together with him. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to and I’ll understand if you don’t. This place isn’t exactly family reunion material. But…I…I miss you, Maya. I really hope you’re doing good and Shawn is taking care of you. I promise you I will fix everything, baby. I will.” Her voice had begun to break as the tears streamed down her face. “Um, just call here if you think you want to come.” She swallowed hard. “I love you.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “Okay. That’s it.” Shawn huffed as he walked out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging out of the side of his mouth. “I can’t take this anymore.” He mumbled as he went to the kitchen sink to rinse and spit. 
> 
> Maya rolled her eyes as she followed him out of the bathroom. “It was an accident, Shawn…it’s not like my spit ever hurt you before.” She reminded him with a smirk only for him to eye her as he wiped her toothpaste spit off his arm.
> 
> “We need a bigger bathroom.” He told her. “Two sinks.” And Maya couldn’t hold it back as she laughed and stepped in closer he smiled down at her, hard to be annoyed at being spit on when she was looking at him that way. “Two.” He told her again with a nod that she mimicked. 
> 
> “Yes, two sinks, and how to do you propose we do that?” 
> 
> “I don’t know, but we need it. Two sinks, another cabinet…you know for a low maintenance girl you have a lot of shit.” 
> 
> “HA!” She began. “You’re one to talk, how many attachments does a beard trimmer need?”
> 
> “Okay, okay, we both have a lot of shit.” He replied as he poured them both coffee. “Seriously though.” He handed her a mug and sat down with her. “This place wasn’t bad when it was just me and I was gone most of the time. But it’s not really big enough for us both, you haven’t even gotten all of your stuff out of boxes yet.” Maya glanced towards the open bedroom door, a wall full of boxes took up a good bit of the room. 
> 
> “I offered to get a storage unit and you said not to.” She reminded him.
> 
> “It’s a waste of money.” He told her. 
> 
> “So what are you saying? Should we sell some stuff?” She asked, looking around and not liking the idea much, she didn’t have a lot to sell and didn’t think it was fair for him to sell anything when it was her stuff crowding the place.
> 
> “Nope, I’m saying we should move.” He said the words so simply as if talking about buying bread not discussing their home.
> 
> “What?!” She exclaimed, turning back to him quickly. “Are you serious?” She eyed him and saw no humor there. “Shawn…” She sighed, looking to him concerned. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to move because of my stuff.” 
> 
> “Maya…” he mimicked her this time, sitting down his cup. “Do you want to keep living with me?”
> 
> “That’s a given.”
> 
> “Then for our sanity and future of our relationship, we need a bigger place.” Maya chuckled a little at his words, the smile lingering even when the laughter stopped. It wasn’t so much because he was considering her in the move, it was the fact that he was considering the future of their relationship as a catalyst for moving. It was hard not to be concerned about it bring a May-December romance with their age difference but he gave her faith every day that they were more than that.
> 
> “Finally!” Maya exclaimed as she put her cup in the counter and lifted her phone. It had been dead since New Year’s, and then forgotten in a coat pocket for two days as she and Shawn spent most of the time in bed relishing in the newly professed love. “Damn, I have fifteen voice mails…fourteen of them are from Riley.” Maya told Shawn with a laugh.
> 
> “You sad we missed that party?” He questioned. Farkle had invited them to the bash, but they’d opted to spend their first New Years as a couple alone – not wanting to deal with any stares from any of Maya’s old friends who may not get what they were to one another.
> 
> She moved in behind him, draping an arm over his shoulder with a hand on his chest as she tilted around the other side and kissed his neck. “Not even a little bit.” She assured him before he craned his neck to catch her lips. She sat back down at the table with a fresh cup of coffee and started listening to voicemails. “Holy shit!” She exclaimed, pulling the phone away from her ear, Riley’s squeals still able to be heard. She laughed and put it on speaker as it went through 14 messages of Riley talking about being proposed to and the ring and then asking where Maya was, telling her all she missed from the party. Her excitement made them both laugh as they listened – neither prepared for the last voicemail from the unknown number.
> 
> As Katy began to speak, Maya’s face fell and Shawn immediately reached for her hand. But the more he listened the more his own face fell. At the words ‘Shawn is taking care of you’ he stiffened up and his stomach twisted. He’d spent the night making love to her and knew that was not Katy’s idea of taking care of her daughter. But he didn’t speak, he just watched Maya, trying to see how she was handling this call. She’d only spoken to Katy once while she was in rehab, when Katy was feeling awful and told Maya never to come see her there.
> 
> Maya looked up after a moment of staring at the screen of her phone. She had a lump in her throat and her eyes were wide. She opened her mouth to speak, but realized then she had nothing to say so she turned back to her coffee. Shawn squeezed her hand “you okay?”
> 
> “Yeah.” She told him with a quick nod. “I just.” She shrugged a little. “Actually I have no idea how I feel.” She looked back to him. “Should I go?”
> 
> “I...” He hesitated, not sure if it was his place to tell her something like that, but as she looked at him he didn’t want to hold back his thoughts. “I think you should.” He rubbed her hand with his thumb and smiled a little. “I always wanted to hear what my dad had to say, even when I was angry with him, I wanted to know why. And there’s a lot of things I never got answers to. So I figure if you can now, even just get one answer you need to hear, it’s worth it.”
> 
> She nodded as she let go of his hand. “Yeah, maybe.” She stood, grabbing an old hoodie of his she’d taken over from where it hung next to the fire escape. Her cigarettes stayed in the pocket ready for her trips outside. Once outside with a lit cigarette in her hand, Maya began to dial. She smiled when she heard the ‘hello’ on the other end. “Hey Riles.” She replied feeling lighter already. “Tell me everything.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Maya’s eyes went wide as Riley walked in with at least 15 different magazines in her arms. Riley took long strides across the apartment and then dropped them all on the coffee table with a big huff. “So heavy!” She exclaimed, plopping back on the couch next to Maya. 
> 
> “Damn, Riles! Did you buy every wedding magazine ever made?!” Maya asked in shock as leaned forward to look at the various titles and women in wedding dresses.
> 
> Riley nodded “Well of course! I’m only going to do this once and I want it to be perfect and since you’re my maid of honor you have to know all the details of everything.” Maya held back a laugh which only resulted in a smile plastered on her face. “But don’t worry I won’t make you wear one of those hideous dresses.”
> 
> “So I can pick out my own dress?” Maya asked with a grin but Riley only looked away – she would be deciding everything, even Maya’s dress. She received an elbow to the side for this one before they both laughed.
> 
> “Okay so we have to start with this one.” Riley said matter-a-factly, grabbing one with little post-its sticking out the top and side. “I already looked through it, but we need to look together.” After five magazines, Maya was feeling as if she was going to fall asleep and had to get up. Despite the cold air she made her way out to the fire escape for a cigarette while Riley continued to move through the pages. “Maya?” Riley began though she barely heard. “Do you think Lucas will want to get married in Texas?” 
> 
> Maya poked her head back inside. “What?”
> 
> “Texas! What if he wants to get married in Texas?” Riley asked again, almost panicky. “Should we plan for a Texas wedding? It changes everything, we’d do it outside there of course, but would his family approve if it’s not in a church?”
> 
> “Riles…calm down.” She pressed the cigarette into a flower pot turned ashtray and climbed back inside. “First off, you _just_ got engaged what? Less than three weeks ago, you don’t have to figure everything out now.” Maya sat back down next to her best friend. “Listen, you and he will talk about all of that, maybe you’ll even get two weddings one here and one in Texas.” The slight hint of a suggestion seemed to perk up Riley immediately. 
> 
> “Two weddings! I could have two!?” She grabbed the magazine back with an even wider smile on her face. Maya just shook her head and gave up, there was no talking Riley down this time. With another page flip, Riley gasped. “Maya! She looks just like your mom!” 
> 
> Maya glanced over at the book, the model did look a little like Katy did ten years before. Maya just shrugged and looked away, she didn’t want to think about her mom right now. She’d never called Katy back after her New Year’s message and still wasn’t sure it was the right choice. “Shawn should be home soon.” Maya muttered wanting the topic off her mother. 
> 
> But the only thing a mention of Shawn did was put the idea of Maya and him together on her mind. She paused and turned to her best friend. “If you could do anything at all, what would it be?” Maya looked to her quizzically. “For your wedding! What would the perfect Maya wedding be?”
> 
> With a smirk, Maya replied simply. “I’d elope.”  
>  “What?! No! You can’t!” She nearly pounded on Maya.
> 
> “Riley! I’m not the one getting married!” She reminded her friend. 
> 
> “But seriously, you can’t elope. I’m going to be your maid of honor and help you plan and give you a shower and bachelorette party and shop for dresses, and...”
> 
> “Nope. Going to elope, get married on a beach somewhere in a bathing suit maybe even naked, not even going to have rings.” Maya was making it up on the spot of course, but it didn’t sound bad as she said it out loud.
> 
> Riley looked disheartened until Maya laughed and then she shoved her sideways. “You are not! I won’t let you, I’ll follow you there with a dress and shoes.” She teased back. “I’ll tackle you to the ground and force you into it.”
> 
> “Wedding by force.” Maya chuckled.


	7. February 2020

> The smell was the first thing that really settled with Maya. It smelled like a hospital – _too_ clean. Then again, it was close to a hospital so it shouldn’t have been so unexpected to breathe in the fumes. There was little noise around, but she was sure it was just this hallway and in other places those sounds were all coming out behind closed doors. Sounds like her own mother made when they brought her – pleading for a little more, crying, yelling, and begging. It was hard to be there – especially after being told to stay away.
> 
> The name Doctor Loughlin was on the door, but he seemed to prefer Dave. His office was warm compared to the antiseptic hallways. As Maya sat waiting on a green plaid couch she looked around at diploma’s and framed articles on the wall – but not a single personal photo. She fidgeted with a frayed bit on her jeans, feeling more nervous than she liked. She should be the strong one now – like she’d always had to be – but something about this place, about seeing her mother again after so much time, made her feel small again.
> 
> When the door opened Dave walked in with a smile. Maya stood, knowing her manner and reached out a hand. “So glad to have you here, Miss Hart – may I call you Maya?” He asked. 
> 
> “Yeah, sure.” She replied, shaking his hand and looking him over. He was tall but heavyset and his beard had a reddish tint and was well trimmed. He wore a sweater vest and no tie, some kind of half-casual look to him. She wondered if the addicts could even relate to him enough to listen.
> 
> “Your mother will be joining us in a moment, I wanted a couple minutes with you first.” She looked to him expectantly as he sat in the well-worn chair across from the couch. He explained to her the treatment her mother had been doing. How well Katy had been and how he was sure she was ready to go – but Katy wasn’t as positive about her abilities to make it without the safety of the facility around her. “I really think with your support and help she will be able to remain sober and get back to a normal life.” And while Maya wanted to smile, she suddenly felt a weight on her. She felt like she would need to be responsible for keeping her mother sober – a feat she’d already failed. “We do have a sober living house we’d like her to go to in Brooklyn, but she seems to have trepidations that we haven’t been able to get her to really express. But that’s not uncommon. We find that those who _want_ to be sober but don’t feel like they are strong enough have the same worries. She has a lot of negative feelings about herself.”
> 
> “And you want me to make her feel better about herself?” Maya asked, not meaning to sound so sarcastic but it just slipped out.
> 
> But Dave only looked to her with an understanding smile. “No. I want you to talk to her about what hurt you, what you want for your life together and what you need from her. Then she has goals to work towards and can make amends with the problems of the past. I don’t want you to be cruel, but also I don’t want you to sugarcoat it. This is one of the reasons I like to meet with family first. Many find this to be hard and I like to offer a chance to speak with me before she arrives. We both have the same goal, to help your mother, who is not a bad person but a sick one, to get better.”
> 
> The last time Maya had seen her mother, Katy had only been sober for a day – and it hadn’t gone well at all. “I think I already did all my yelling.” Maya replied to Dave. “Let’s just do this.” It only then hit her how much she didn’t want to be there. She didn’t want to see Katy sick again, it just took her back to that night.”
> 
> When Katy arrived she quickly moved towards Maya with arms wide. She hugged Maya close to her on the couch, exclaiming how happy she was to see her and how much she’d missed her. Maya patted her arm – the most of the hug she could return just then. “You look really good, mom.” Maya said softly, and she did. Katy was still thin, but looked less sick than she had before, no longer had a sickly sweaty tint to her skin or shook. Her hair was brushed and tucked behind her ears and she had some color in her cheeks again. It gave Maya hope that it was all going to be okay now. That finally she could be a real mom and Maya could feel like she had a real life.
> 
> “I almost didn’t believe Dave when he said you were coming!” Katy exclaimed with a hint of a laugh. “When I didn’t hear back from you, I almost thought I dreamt calling you.”
> 
> “Yeah…” Maya could feel herself closing up some then – remembering why she’d held back from calling her mother. “Well, um, things were really busy last month.” She began. “Shawn and I moved actually.”
> 
> “You moved?” Katy asked, instantly hit with concern. 
> 
> “Yeah, just to a bigger apartment. I have an address for you…”
> 
> “And Shawn is…the ex-boyfriend you told me about, right? The gentleman that brought you in?” Dave asked. 
> 
> “Yes.” Katy nodded, still smiling at Maya. “He’s taking care of my baby girl for me until I’m all better.” She reached over to pat Maya’s leg as she spoke.
> 
> Maya swallowed then. Taking care of her baby? She saw him as her ex that was taking care of her child. She instantly filled with fear and concern for her mother’s recovery progress if she were to find out exactly what Shawn was to her daughter. She smiled too – though not as brightly. “He’s more like a friend than one of her ex-boyfriends.” She added in. She didn’t want people only seeing Shawn as someone who once dated her mother. 
> 
> “Well she’s right about that.” Katy agreed with a chuckle. “Shawn wasn’t like the others. Too good for me, poor guy didn’t know what he was getting into.” The way Katy talked about herself only made Maya feel worse. 
> 
> Shawn’s relationship with Katy was the last thing Maya wanted to talk about there, but it seemed to be happening without her control. Dave began to talk about how Shawn must have cared if he took in her daughter and helped her come to get clean. Maya knew this wasn’t going in the direction she wanted where Shawn was concerned. 
> 
> “Well I didn’t give him much choice.” Maya blurted out, not even meaning to say it. All eyes were on her then and she felt heat hit her cheeks. “Sorry…”
> 
> “No, no, don’t be sorry. What do you mean you didn’t give him a choice? We all have a choice, Maya.” Dave talked as if he were _her_ therapist too and it didn’t sit right with Maya.
> 
> “I meant…um, he **is** a nice guy, so when I showed up there after what happened, he wouldn’t send me away.” Maya only then realized that on some level she knew when she arrived at his door that first night that he’d never turn her away. Katy’s head dropped in shame as Maya spoke. “Mom, no…I don’t blame you for that okay?”
> 
> “Well you should” Katy replied. “I didn’t help you, I’m so sorry.” She turned to Maya then, tears welling in her eyes. Dave didn’t seem surprised by anything said thus far and Maya was sure it had been discussed with him before. Part of her wanted to tell him how it really happened – knowing there was no way her mother could remember it correctly, she hadn’t even seen it all. But she held her tongue – why open old wounds now?
> 
> “You don’t need to be-” Maya began but Dave cut her off. 
> 
> “Maya, you may not blame your mother for what happened to you that night, but she blames herself. I think it would do good for you both to accept her apology.”
> 
> “Okay… I accept your apology.” She said to her mother, but the words felt wrong coming out of her mouth and she didn’t know why but she added on more. “For Ray.”
> 
> But Dave caught on quickly. “Is there something you _don’t_ accept her apology for?” But Maya just shrugged. “Maya I think now would be a good time for you to turn to your mother and tell her how her addiction has affected you.”
> 
> “She knows…” Maya mumbled.
> 
> “She knows what she perceives, not how you feel inside.” Katy turned to Maya openly; ready to take the step in her recovery, but Maya was more apprehensive. “Maya, how did your mother’s drug use make you _feel_?”
> 
> Maya’s brow furrowed, it felt like something from a TV show, was it really _that_ cliché? “I don’t really want to… shouldn’t talk about how **she** feels about it? Isn’t that what this is all about, how mom feels and her getting better? How is bringing all that back up going to make her better?”
> 
> “I want to hear it, baby girl.” Katy replied. “I need to face what happened and make amends.”
> 
> “I don’t need you to-”
> 
> “I do.” Katy interrupted her daughter. “I need it; I need it to get better.”
> 
> Maya tried to refuse and finally her truth came out. “No! The last time I told you how anything hurt me, we got in a fight and you started using again. It doesn’t help you!”
> 
> “Maya.” Dave reached out, looking at her with soft eyes. “That was a different situation, this is a safe place and you can talk openly here.” But Maya just shook her head, she couldn’t bring herself to do it, she still felt responsible for her mother’s drug use from the start. If she’d never left home, none of it would have happened.
> 
> As they continued, Katy unfolded a letter she’d written to her daughter and began to read it out loud. “My Dearest Maya.” She took a breath and kept her eyes on the paper, trying to get it all out. “I know that I have made a lot of mistakes in my life, but the ones I regret most were the ones that hurt you. I am so sorry for ever disappointing you and never being the mother you wanted me to be. I’m sorry that I was weak and couldn’t handle solitude. I am sorry I ever brought anyone into our home that would hurt you. I know now that the drugs changed me and made me do things that I wouldn’t have done without them. I am so sorry that I didn’t stop him from kicking you out.” Maya’s brow furrowed a little. “I know that he hit you and I can never forgive myself for not trying to stop him. I was scared but that’s no excuse for letting anyone hurt my baby. I am so sorry Maya for taking away your home and security and ever making you turn to someone else to care for you. I am so sorry that my bad choices while I was using caused you to be unable to return to school. At the time I didn’t understand the effects of what I’d done like I do now. If I could take it all back, I promise you I would.”
> 
> Tears welled in Maya’s eyes as she listened to her mother speak, brow furrowed and lips tight so to keep them from shaking. “Maya…” Dave began again but she didn’t look at him, only at her knees. “Do you want to say anything to your mother?”
> 
> She reached under her hair to where her face was hidden and wiped at her eyes. She took a deep breath and lifted her head to look at her mother. “Do you remember the night he _kicked me out_?” She asked bluntly, and for the first time Dave had his own concerns about the direction this would go. Katy’s face paled and Maya knew Katy didn’t remember it all. “So, you don’t even know what happened, but you’re sorry?”
> 
> “I know you got hurt, even if I don’t remember what happened. I’m sorry you ever hurt, Maya.” Katy tried to explain.
> 
> Something had clicked in Maya then, if she was going to have to do this, open the old wounds and allow her mother to apologize, she wanted it to be right, she wanted her to be sorry for what actually happened. Deep down Maya needed to hear the apology as much as Katy needed to say it. “You said he hit me and kicked me out _of my own house_. But that’s not what it was.” Maya continued – doing exactly what she didn’t want to do. “He didn’t just hit me, mom, he beat the fuck out of me. He almost killed me. And you…don’t remember.” Maya’s voice cracked then and the simple show of weakness made her stiffen and straighten her back. 
> 
> “Would you like to talk about that Maya?” Dave asked softly, true concern in his eyes. 
> 
> “No. I’m fine.”
> 
> “Baby, you’re not fine.” Katy replied softly, reaching out to touch Maya’s hair before pulling her into an embrace. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m so, so sorry.” Maya leaned into her mother’s hug but made little effort to hug back and after only a moment or two she pulled away from the embrace completely.
> 
> “I really am okay, mom.” She insisted. “I just want you to get better.”
> 
> “I am baby, I am. Soon I’ll be able to come home and we’ll be a family again.” 
> 
> Dave watched as Maya looked away at her mother’s words. “Maya?” He began, wanting her to express how she felt, express why the idea of being a family was a problem. However the answer was not one he expected. 
> 
> Maya sighed; she’d have to tell her mother eventually. “Mom, um…the apartment is gone, they couldn’t just hold it with no one to pay the bills, so they evicted you.”
> 
> “Oh…” Katy’s face fell for only a moment. “Well that’s okay, we don’t need that place, home is wherever we are together.”
> 
> Maya forced a fake smile to her face – now was **not** the time to talk about her own future plans. “Don’t think about any of that now. Just think about the sober living house that Dave was talking about. Well worry about the rest later.”
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Shawn had been gone for four days early in February on assignment in Chicago and was so exhausted when he got back he dropped his bag. Maya had started towards him to greet him with a smile but he just moved to the couch, rolling over the back of it and falling to a laying position across the entire thing, his feet hanging off the arm. She looked at him with a kind of ‘aww’ expression and moved over by the couch. “Long trip?” She asked softly as she pulled him up and sat down, letting his head rest on her lap.
> 
> “I forgot how much I hate the traffic in Chicago.” He muttered against her leg – as if too tired to raise his head. She ran her fingers through his hair, soothing him almost instantly. “I missed you.” He muttered softly, eyes closing as an arm wrapped around her knees, hugging her as best he could. 
> 
> Maya smiled down at him. “I missed you too.” She replied. “I think I may have rather dealt with Chicago traffic than Riley on a wedding planner binge.” She told him with a snicker.
> 
> “Oh no you wouldn’t.” He told her, “There was construction too, people are awful on the road there…worse than cab drivers here.”
> 
> “No way, nothing is that bad.”
> 
> After a long moment he pulled on her. “Hop up a second.” He told her and as soon as she moved out from under his head he pushed the back cushions off the couch and scooted back. He opened his arm and she moved to lay with him. “That’s the stuff.” Shawn muttered, wrapping his arm around her and holding her small frame against him. Maya closed her eyes as he held onto her. It felt right, felt like home was supposed to feel. With her back against his chest she wrapped an arm around his arms. He held her snugly, but never so much that she felt trapped. She didn’t think she’d ever feel trapped with Shawn. 
> 
> It was a long time before Maya spoke again. “I saw my mom while you were gone.” She spoke softly, not wanting to wake him if he’d drifted off. But his head popped up quickly in response as he looked at her curiously. “Yeah, that whole therapy thing she wanted me to do.” Maya shrugged as if it was nothing but Shawn suspected otherwise. She kept nothing from Shawn, she’d vowed that long ago – if there was anyone she could be completely honest with, it was Shawn.
> 
> He listened quietly, his arms remaining around her, as she told him everything that happened two days before. “Are you okay?” he asked, tucking a bit of her hair back to see her face. 
> 
> “Yeah…just…” Maya took a breath, turning onto her back to meet his eyes. “What am I gonna do when she gets out and wants me to live with her?”
> 
> “If you want to live with her, you can, if you don’t, you tell her the truth.”
> 
> “So it’s okay with you…no matter what I do?” She asked softly. 
> 
> “I think you know the answer to that.” He began, but as she looked up at him with those beautiful blue eyes he just smiled. “I love you. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy. And you never need to ask me if I’m okay with something you want.” He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. He didn’t want her to feel like she needed his permission, he wanted them to be equals in what they were to one another.
> 
> “I love you too.” She told him softly between kisses. “And just so you know…I don’t want to leave.”
> 
> “Good. I’d have hated to move for nothing.” He teased with a grin that widened when she poked his side. The two teased one another between a few more kisses before they settled back in on the couch once more. Curled up together nearly nose to nose, Shawn and Maya feel asleep on the couch for a relaxing Saturday afternoon nap.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> “So, uh, you moved to a new place?” Cory asked barely meeting the eyes of his oldest friend. It was nearly the end of February before the two had been able to get together again and try to talk. Cory hated the choices Shawn was making, but he’d realized quickly that shouting at Shawn and giving him ultimatums wasn’t going to work. “And you moved with, um, Maya?” His only solution now was to try to move past it until it was over.
> 
> Shawn let out a deep breath and nodded. “Yup.” He’d found it best to just tell Cory straight up what was going on – he’d find out everything anyway.
> 
> “And you’re still sticking with this… _relationship_ thing.” 
> 
> Shawn sighed. “Cory…we don’t have to talk about this.”
> 
> “No, no…I can talk about it. Lives of two very important people to me, I should be able to talk about this.” Cory replied, nodding a little too much to be completely believable. “No, I mean it.” Cory said after receiving a skeptical look. “It’s hard, Shawn, but I’m trying here okay?” He hated that he could lose his best friend over any kind of relationship. It had taken him back to unpleasant high school memories, only this time it wasn’t the girl forcing the split, he’d done it to himself.
> 
> “I know you are and I really appreciate it. I don’t want to lose you, Cor. You’re like my brother.”
> 
> “Shawn, just…what is this thing? Honestly.”
> 
> “It’s…” Shawn sat back in his chair some, finding the words that would make sense. “It’s real. It doesn’t make sense at all and I know what people think when they see us, but…I don’t care. I see her smile at me and I don’t care about what anyone thinks. I feel things when I’m around her that I haven’t felt in a long time.” 
> 
> Shawn smiled as he spoke and Cory tried to forget that the girl he was speaking of was Maya, but it seemed impossible. “I guess it’s just hard for me to understand what it is you really have in common, I look at Riley and I just can’t figure it out, Shawn. You’ve got life experience, you’ve travelled and lived and she…had a year of college. And now you’re a serious couple and live together. You’ve got to admit it, Shawn, it’s weird.”
> 
> Shawn began with a simple shrug. “I don’t see her how you see her. I never will, for me she will always be my friend not a kid. And for you…she’ll always be the kid climbing in your windows.” Shawn was glad they could finally talk about this as adults and not feel like he was getting an intervention. “You know better than anyone that Maya and Riley are not a like. Riley had you and Topanga. Maya had a life like mine, we understand one another. We have a lot in common actually, and we talk, really talk. Art is a big part of things, she’s taken over the kitchen table with painting and when she can she comes on the road with me, when she can’t she always wants to see every picture I took.” Shawn pushed the plate away and sat comfortable now he was talking about her so openly. “We talk about how we grew up, about our parents and lack thereof. We talk about what we want in the future, places we want to see and things we want to do. She doesn’t make me feel like I’m 40, she makes me feel like I’m 20 and anything is possible.” Even Cory knew that in his youth, Shawn rarely felt that anything was possible even in his 20’s, if anything he felt like his lack of money and a real home had always held him back.
> 
> “And she’s as invested as you are? Because she **is** almost 20, Shawn, anything **is** possible for her. She could want freedom and want to go find the world like you did, or want to go back to school and meet new people. Shawn…forget how I feel about the two of you, just think about her age and her life, you’ve got to admit that the age difference could pose a problem.”
> 
> “I don’t care.” Cory wasn’t expecting the simple smile on Shawn’s face as he spoke. “I am taking a risk here and I know it. I know she could move past me any day and not need me anymore. But,” Shawn shrugged. “She’s worth the risk.”
> 
> Cory swallowed hard, taking it in and wishing he didn’t have to hear any of it. She was still 14 to him, still a little trouble maker with her face painted trying to be more adult than she was. She was still the little rebel that his daughter wanted to be like – she was Riley’s Shawn. But as he watched Shawn speak, as he listened and took it all in, he sighed. He felt defeated, he wasn’t going to be able to save them from this. “You love her.” It was a statement, not a question. Shawn hadn’t needed to say the words, or even reveal he’d already said them to Maya – it just showed. Cory shook his head some, disappointment in his eyes. “Riley’s engaged, you and Maya are…” he just waved his hand, unable to say the words. “And I’m….old. I’m old and don’t know how I’m supposed to react to this.”
> 
> “I guess you react however you react, buddy.” Shawn shrugged slightly. “I’m not asking you to approve, I don’t want you to feel like you have to give your blessing or anything. I just, don’t want you to shut either of us out because of it. It doesn’t change who we are.”
> 
> “I want to be happy for you, Shawn, I do. Anytime you’re happy I want to be able to celebrate that with you, but it’s hard this time. Hard when all I can think about is how bad this could end.”
> 
> “But what if it doesn’t?”
> 
> “What?” Cory didn’t understand how that was even a remote possibility.
> 
> “What if it doesn’t end badly?” Shawn repeated. “What if I’m with her till I die? What if when it ends it’s mutual and we stay friends? What if no matter what happens, she and I are both okay? Could you find a way to accept it then? If no matter what happened she and I were okay?”
> 
> “You love her, you love an 18 year old and genuinely think this could end and you’d both be okay?”
> 
> “You knew when you were a kid that you and Topanga would last no matter how many times it looked bleak, right?” Shawn continued quickly before Cory could get a word out. “I’m not saying we’re like you and Topanga, trust me that’s not even a thought. All I’m saying is, if you can believe that, is it so far-fetched to believe that this might not be the worst thing in the world?” Cory was silent for a long moment then, taking in everything Shawn was saying. He wasn’t wrong, Cory had always been the one able to have faith. “It’s going to be okay, Cor. But it has more a chance of being okay without the pressure of losing our family because of what we are to one another.” Shawn wasn’t sure how things would go, if this figurative truce on the subject of himself and Maya would last…all that mattered was that they were finally able to talk. And the hug, albeit brief, that the two parted with at the end of lunch gave Shawn just a little more hope for their friendship making it through this. 


	8. March 2020

> Riley frowned in a way she didn’t often do, she could always find the silver lining, but in this moment she didn’t like the situation at all and finding some kind of lining was getting harder and harder. Josh sat across from her, glaring at her with his arms crossed. “I can’t believe you’d actually support it.” He spoke in a low tone, a mix of anger and disappointment that was breaking her heart. 
> 
> “Josh…”
> 
> “It’s fucked up, Riley. You know it is. He’s some middle aged perv and she’s one abandonment away from being a stripper.”
> 
> “Okay, enough Josh!” Riley finally snapped, he’d been going on since she arrived and she couldn’t take it anymore. “That’s my best friend you’re talking about.” And as soon as he opened his mouth to speak she snapped at him again. “No! I don’t want to hear any more about how awful it is that Maya and Shawn are together. It’s been months, just accept it and let it go!”
> 
> “I can’t!” He shouted back at her.
> 
> “Why not?!”
> 
> “Because I love her!” And at his last outburst, both Josh and Riley froze, jaws dropped and eyes wide. He couldn’t believe he’d said it out loud nor could Riley believe she was hearing it come out of his mouth. 
> 
> “You….love her?” Riley asked softly, eying him for any kind of sign that he didn’t.
> 
> He sighed as he nodded. “Yeah, I love her. She was supposed to be with me, Riley. You know she was. She loved me first, she and I were going to be perfect. We just had to wait until she turned 18. We were playing the long game, we agreed.” Riley couldn’t believe what she was hearing, he’d not let on at all about having feelings for Maya. 
> 
> “Yeah…but that was years ago. Did you two talk about it? Did you ever tell her how you felt?” he shook his head. “Then why are you so mad at her? If you haven’t talked about it in three years, she probably didn’t even know you still felt like that.”
> 
> “I’m not mad at _her_.”
> 
> “Well you can’t be mad at Shawn…”
> 
> “Yes I can, he should know better than to go after a girl her age. So much worse than me thinking about her when she was 15.”
> 
> “He didn’t go after –” The look on his face made her quickly change directions. “They’re both adults.”
> 
> “She’s supposed to be my Topanga, Riley!” Josh snapped, his heart on his sleeve now. “Cory and Topanga knew when they were young and it lasted forever, she was supposed to be my Topanga. What they have can’t compare to that.”
> 
> Riley wanted to cry from the look in her uncle’s face, she moved in to hug him, knowing there was no way she could make this better for him. Maya was completely in love with Shawn and she knew that it wasn’t going to end any time soon…and considering how he’d reacted, his pain coming out in anger, there was no way Maya was going to want to be with him now. “She can’t be your Topanga, Josh…there’s only one Cory and Topanga and they’re impossible to even live up to never the less duplicate…trust me.”
> 
> He pulled back from her hug, his eyes looking sadder than she’d ever seen them. “They make it look so easy and so perfect. Why…why can’t I have that?”
> 
> “You can have it. Just…not with Maya.” She told him honestly. “Josh, the perfect girl for you is out there, but you’ve been so focused on this possibility that you’re not giving any of them a chance.” Josh looked away from his niece who was more like a cousin. She was logical and caring…but he knew she was wrong. It _was_ Maya, it had to be. He just had to make her see that he wasn’t a bad guy. He’d just acted that way because of how much he loved her. If she could just see it how he did everything would finally work out.
> 
> \+ + + + +
> 
> Katy had been happy when she arrived at the apartment, even happier to be able to grab the door as a pizza boy walked out. She could surprise her daughter with how good she’d done. She had moved into the sober living house and was going to make good on all her promises to her baby. She would find a way to get them a house together again and she would never mess up like that again. She’d have all she needed back in her life.
> 
> What she didn’t expect was for them not to be home, she cursed herself for not calling first as she walked down the hall a bit and leaned against the wall. She didn’t want to go back yet, she’d been so excited to see Maya again and tell her how well things were that it felt disappointing to go back already. The sober living house had a strict curfew, but hours outside of that time were free – something she hadn’t had in a long time. She didn’t want to waste it going right back when she had hours to do as she pleased.
> 
> For only a moment the lonely feeling began to sink in and her mind darted to the one thing that always helped make her feel better. And as if on cue Maya’s laughter could be heard from the stairs and brought Katy right back. She took in a deep breath and smiled, she didn’t need the drugs; she had her baby.
> 
> Halfway up the stairs, Maya turned and faced Shawn. She smiled as she leaned in, at a height advantage where he didn’t have to lean down to kiss her. Her arms moved around his neck as she kissed him a few times. In a playful mood, Shawn dipped his head down to her neck and rubbed his beard against her before pecking a few kisses. Her laughter seemed to echo in the stairwell which only made him smile and do it once more.
> 
> They linked hands as they continued up the last few steps where she turned once more to kiss him a couple times as she walked backwards through the archway causing him to stumble a little and let out his own laugh. When he pulled back however his eyes went wide and he froze. Maya turned quickly to see what had his attention.
> 
> Katy stood with a look of shock and fury in her eyes, watching as her ex-boyfriend kissed her only daughter. Maya too froze for a moment, feeling like the whole world was crashing down. What was she doing here? “M-mom…this…um, I can explain.” Maya began as Shawn moved towards the door to unlock it quickly.
> 
> “Why don’t we all go inside?” He asked quietly, not wanting a scene in the middle of the hall.
> 
> Katy breathed hard from her nose, her lips pressed together tightly. She glared at him as she walked forward, knuckles going white as she clenched her fists at her side. She wanted to kill him, right there in the middle of the hallway, she wanted to strike him down with more pain than he even knew possible. But she walked into the apartment when he spoke, shooting a matching glare at her frozen daughter.
> 
> Shawn leaned in as Maya walked inside as well. “It’s going to be okay.” He whispered to her, hoping he was right.
> 
> With his focus on Maya he didn’t even see Katy come at him as soon as the door closed. “That’s my daughter you sick bastard!” She screamed as she attacked him. She hit and clawed at him, fighting like a cornered alley cat. He blocked several blows and pushed her away from him only for her to come back again. Her voice was shrill as she screamed out that she would kill him.
> 
> “Stop it!” Maya shouted as she pushed between Shawn and her mother, protecting the man she loved. “I know you don’t understand it but-” Maya’s words halted when her mother’s hand came down on her face with a loud smacking sound.
> 
> “Shut up!” She ordered her daughter. “What is the matter with you?! He’s my ex-boyfriend! He’s been in my bed and now you’re sleeping with him like some white trash slut?!”
> 
> Maya’s hand touched her burning cheek, her wide eyes filled with anger and pain at her mother’s words. Shawn didn’t even have time to react to the insults thrown - as soon as the word ‘slut’ came out of Katy’s mouth, Maya struck back. She slapped her mother across the face. “Fuck you!”
> 
> Shawn’s eyes went wide, he’d seen Maya angry, seen her ready to fight, but never her own mother. “Okay! Enough!” He boomed, bringing the attention back on himself.
> 
> Katy and Maya both took deep breaths as things _seemed_ to calm down though the tension was thick around them all. Katy glared at Shawn and spoke with disgust in her voice. “I should have known you would do something like this.” She spat. “I wasted all that time being hurt when you left me, turns out I was just too **old** for you.” She didn’t need to blatantly call him names, her tone said them all. Shawn let out a sigh and shook his head; there was little he could say to defend himself to her. He could tell her it wasn’t like that back then, that he just cared about Maya, but Katy would never believe him. “Maya, go pack, we’re leaving.” Katy ordered, the tone of a mother returning quickly.
> 
> “What?” Maya scoffed, nearly letting out a laugh. “I’m not going anywhere.”
> 
> “You can stay at the house with me until we find you somewhere permanent.” Katy’s eyed Maya sharply. “Maya Penelope Hart.” She snapped – classic mother’s trick to use the full name to show she meant business.
> 
> “Give it up.” Maya replied, shaking her head and crossing her arms. “I’m eighteen, I’m not a kid anymore.”
> 
> “I’m still your mother.”
> 
> “And that’s supposed to mean something?” Maya asked simply. “You don’t get a say in my life anymore.” Katy began to protest but Maya cut her off. “Just stop. You can’t come in here and start acting like a mother and think it matters to anyone what you say.” Maya had finally had enough. “I have been taking care of myself most of my life and all you’ve ever done is fuck it up.”
> 
> “Excuse me!?” Katy snapped. “I did everything for you.” Shawn stood behind Maya with his arms crossed – he was ready to fend off another attack if needed, but hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
> 
> Maya let out a sarcastic laugh. “For me? Yeah, you started getting high _for me_ , you sold all our stuff to buy drugs _for me_ , you stole all my money _for me_.” Maya’s voice broke a little. “You hid while your junkie boyfriend nearly killed me _for me_.” Her eyes welled up.
> 
> “Maya…”
> 
> “You blamed me!” Maya shouted as the tears spilled from her eyes. “You made me feel like it was my fault it all happened. That if I hadn’t gone to school you’d never have done it. School! You promised me you’d stop after Ray. You begged me to come back only to find out you took everything I ever had…all my savings, all my school money, GONE, just so you could get high!” She swiped angrily at the tears and Shawn reached out, placing his hand on her back. Katy glared at the gesture, but was drawn away from it as Maya continued. “I leave for one fucking night and you started again…and AGAIN it’s my fault because I was too angry to look at you. Everything has always been my fault!”
> 
> Maya broke then, spinning around and turning into Shawn. She let out the tears against his chest as his arms wrapped protectively around her. His eyes narrowed at Katy over the top of Maya’s head and she glared right back. The words just slipped out of her mouth as she grasped for anything to make what was happening stop. “And how do you expect me even want to be sober when this is my life?!” She waved her hands towards the two of them and Maya’s head popped up, looking to her mother with pained eyes. “How can you do this to me?! You were supposed to make my life better, to make me whole…and all you’ve done is hurt me.” Maya blinked as her mother began to cry, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. “I hope you’re happy.” Her bitter words spat out. “I have nothing now, not even my daughter. What reason do I have to even try to be sober, at least when I’m high I’m actually happy.”
> 
> Shawn held Maya closer to him, wishing he could have stopped those words from coming out of Katy’s mouth. But Maya heard every word and every implication that went along with them. “Are…are you serious right now?” Maya stuttered and Katy just shrugged.
> 
> Maya’s head spun as her life seemed to replay in seconds. From her childhood, fights heard through vents with her mother and father. _How can you do this to Maya? … You were the one that wanted a kid, not me._ to conversations heard from the bedroom when she should have been asleep. _Of course he doesn’t want to see me again, no one wants a single mom_ Even friends noticed. _Look at that lady, why can you only see half of her_ The way she didn’t look back when she walked down the hall before Ray’s closed fist connected with Maya’s face. And finally when Maya came back after the night at Shawn’s. She was terrified as soon as she woke up and found her fears justified when she opened the door to see her mother on the couch with Ray’s arm around her. _I’m sorry Maya, I didn’t know if you were going to come back, if you would forgive me._
> 
> Maya turned away from, Shawn’s embrace then, looking at her mother with hard, unblinking eyes. “I’m done.” Katy’s brow furrowed a little at Maya’s monotone words. “It’s not my fault. What you do is _not_ my fault.” It was as if she’d only just realized those words were true. “I blamed myself and I let you blame me and now I’m done.” Maya took a deep breath. “I can’t make you stop. I can’t make you choose to be sober.” Her hand reached blindly for Shawn’s and found it instantly, linking her fingers with his and holding on tightly. “I will hope for it, but it’s on _you_ not on me. What I do, who I love or where I live…none of that _makes_ you do anything.” Maya’s sinuses burned as she tried to keep more tears at bay. “They’re just excuses, just like me going to school was an excuse. I love you, mom but what you do is _your_ fault.”
> 
> Katy’s arms crossed over her chest as she looked at her daughter as if she was nothing. Despite some of Katy’s words lingering in his mind, Shawn squeezed Maya’s hand lightly, making sure she knew he was right there with her to support her. “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Katy replied, holding her chin up high. “I came here to see my baby girl, to show you all I’ve done for _you_ and this is how you treat me?” She took a few strides across the room. “Let’s not forget about _your_ choices, little girl.” She pointed a finger to the two of them. “I tried to help you and you treated me like shit so now you have a choice to make. Him or me.”
> 
> Maya’s stomach dropped and twisted at her mother’s words. “You can’t make me…”
> 
> “Oh, yes I can.” Katy replied coldly. “You leave here now and come with me, be a good daughter and help me since I’m doing this all for _you_. Or you turn your back on your own _mother_ to stay with some sick bastard who would rather fuck a little girl than a grown woman.”
> 
> Shawn stiffened, his jaw clenched as he silently told himself over and over not to react and make it worse. Maya shook her head, looking at her mother as if she’d never seen her before. “What is _wrong_ with you?” She asked softly, her voice filled with hurt and disappointment. “Don’t you see that I’m happy here? Why would you want to take that from me?”
> 
> “Why would you want this kind of happiness?” Katy shot back, not backing down. “It’s not right, Maya, and you know it’s not.”
> 
> “No, I don’t. There is nothing wrong with what we are and I’m not going to choose between the two of you. That’s insane.”
> 
> “Well I guess you made your choice then.” Katy replied coldly.
> 
> “Katy...” Shawn began, wanting to reason with her.
> 
> “You stay out of this!” She snapped at him quickly a finger pointed at him aggressively. Her eyes went back to Maya then and she shook her head in disappointment. “I never thought you would leave me too. I thought I taught you better than this.”
> 
> Maya’s brow furrowed as the words crept in. In the past being compared to someone who’d left her mother would have hurt but things were different now. She could see past it all now, past her own guilt and pain, past her own confusions and anger and see the manipulation happening. “ _You_ never taught me anything.” She took in a breath. “I hope you get better, mom.” And she turned away from her mother then. Maya walked away from the confrontation, taking herself into the bedroom without turning back.
> 
> Shawn and Katy both stood staring at one another with arms crossed and anger in their eyes. “Well go on then.” Katy began. “I know you’re dying to kick me out.”
> 
> Shawn just shook his head, “I want to make something really clear to you right now. I love her.” Katy glared harder and before she could spew out another insult he continued. “I don’t care if it’s right or wrong, and name calling - from you of all people – isn’t going to make me stop or feel badly for it. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t take that for granted. The sad thing is, she’s probably the best thing that’s ever happened to you too, only you’re too stupid to realize it.” And once again she opened her mouth to retort, but he kept going before she could get in a word. “I don’t like you. I think you’re incredibly selfish and you use your daughter as some kind of shield from the real world and then blame her when it doesn’t work. You’re pathetic.”
> 
> “Fuck you.”
> 
> “But how I feel about you doesn’t matter.” He replied, ignoring her words. “You will always be Maya’s mother, even when you don’t act like it.” He watched her clench her fists, knowing she wanted to hit him again. “So, I’m not going to kick you out, Katy.” He spoke plainly, letting the anger slip away. For him, the only thing that mattered was Maya - she was all that had ever mattered. “You can leave if you want, but it’s not going to be on me if you walk away from her again.”
> 
> And like Maya, he turned without any drama and walked into the bedroom – hearing the front door slam behind him. He leaned against the doorframe as he looked in at Maya. She lay curled up on their bed hugging a pillow to her chest.
> 
> She didn’t need to lift her head to know he was there. “Is she gone?” Her voice was small.
> 
> “Yeah, she’s gone.” He replied with a slight nod. She reached behind her back and patted the bed, wanting him with her – and he immediately obliged. Toeing off his shoes he slid close to her on top of the covers and wrapped his arms around her. With her back to his chest he held onto her, whispering that he loved her and he was right there. Maya let herself break then and allowed herself to cry. And as he held her close, Maya’s tears turned to sobs that lasted late into the night.


	9. April 2020

> “What?” Maya asked sharply with a raised brow. She looked through the cracked open door at the tall man on the other side with disdain in her blue eyes. 
> 
> Joshua Matthews stood awkwardly at the door to the apartment Shawn and Maya shared. He had been walking around the block for more than an hour just to get the nerve to knock. “I…um…I wanted to tell you that I’m, um, I’m sorry.” He began, wondering if Shawn was on the other side of that door. Josh looked to her through the barely open door with sad eyes. “I was really out of line and…” he paused. “Can I come in and talk to you? Please?”
> 
> Maya hesitated, but something in the way he seemed to plead with her hit a soft spot. Her guard slowly started to come down and she nodded. Josh smiled as she opened the door further. “Thank you.” He breathed out. “Was feeling a bit exposed in the hall.” But Maya didn’t reply. Frankly he deserved to feel exposed during an apology after the way he’d treated her. 
> 
> She stepped away from him as he came in, back to where she’d been on the couch. She turned off the TV and with her arms crossed over her chest, she looked at him expectantly. 
> 
> “It’s a nice place…” he muttered, looking around. The new apartment was slightly bigger than the last and was brighter with white trim around the room. He took in paintings that he was sure were Maya’s – as well as photos of her and Shawn together. This was definitely the home of a couple and he wasn’t sure he belonged there. “I had to beg Riley to give me the address.” He tried to joke. “She made me swear I was coming to apologize and not to, um, you know be a dick.” After another awkward moment he motioned to the couch. “Can we sit?”
> 
> “Yeah, okay.” She muttered and took her seat in the corner of the couch, hoping he took the other corner. She wasn’t ready for him to be so close. The way he’d spoken to her before still rung in her ears. He seemed to take the hint and took the other corner of the sofa – turning to face her.
> 
> “Maya, I am so sorry. Honestly. I know what I said was awful and I have no real excuse for saying it other than –” He trailed off, trying to find the right way to word his thoughts. “I was jealous.” He admitted – surprised even with himself that it was so easy to tell her that. 
> 
> “What?” Her brow furrowed, she had to have heard him wrong. There was no way he’d just admitted to being jealous – not Josh.
> 
> “I was jealous.” He repeated, his eyes locked on hers as he tried to show his sincerity. “I didn’t understand it at the time, but I do now. I think somewhere along the lines I just always believed that you and I would end up together.” Josh watched her face for any indication to feeling the same way but she only looked shocked.
> 
> Maya’s eyes went wide when Josh spoke. “Josh…I, I mean you and I haven’t.” She paused, none of this made any sense. “You never said anything.”
> 
> “Well, I kind of did.” He began as he slid just the slightest bit closer to her. “The ski lodge, we talked about the long game. About living our lives until we could actually be together.” She remembered, of course she remembered it had been a huge moment for her then. He’d admitted he had feelings for her but her age kept him at bay. She hated it, but she accepted it and they’d held hands. The hint of a smile crossed her lips then – not at Josh but at the innocence she’d once had. Once upon a time, not so very long ago, holding hands was such a big thing. Josh caught her small smile and sent her one of his own. “So, when you turned 18…and ended up with him, I just…kind of lost it. I know I was wrong and I feel terrible about the things I said to you. I never should have taken it all out on you.”
> 
> Maya snapped back to the present, leaving her innocent memories in the past as he continued. She watched him for a moment. His big eyes were so sincere as he waited for her to speak. “I guess I can understand that.” she told him with a shrug. He seemed to realize he’d hurt her and that he was in the wrong. The last thing Maya wanted was to continue to lose people in her life. The relationship Shawn had with Cory and Topanga – and her own with them – was strained and hanging on by a thread at this point. Her own mother had walked out of her life again and likely wouldn’t be coming back this time. Maya never had a large number of friends, she had those select few she cared deeply for and held them close – and once Josh had been someone she held close. But now she had no idea what he was to her…but it couldn’t hurt to have another Matthews on her side. 
> 
> Josh slid even closer and reached over to touch her arm. “Can you forgive me?” He asked softly. Understanding wasn’t enough from her. He hadn’t lost hope for the two of them and her hating him wasn’t going to help it move forward. He was sure once this thing with Shawn fizzled out, she’d be glad to know he was there for her. 
> 
> Something in his tone – so soft and almost pleading – that broke her down completely and she smiled as she nodded. “Yeah, I can forgive you.” Before she knew what was happening Josh had closed the gap between them and was hugging her. She froze in place for a second, not sure what was happening. He thanked her for her forgiveness and she let out a nervous chuckle and awkwardly returned the hug. She had agreed to forgive him, but she hadn’t expected hugs. The last time they were this close she’d punched him in the face. 
> 
> Josh didn’t sense the awkwardness of the hug, only that her arms moved around him in return and it was like confirmation. He moved so quickly that Maya didn’t even realize what was happening – until his lips were on hers. He kissed her quickly, pressing his lips to hers before she could begin to protest. She let out a noise of shock against his closed mouth as her eyes went wide. 
> 
> Quickly she shoved him away from her. “What are you doing?!” she snapped, looking at him as if he’d just slapped her rather than kissed her. 
> 
> “I...I… I’m sorry, I.. we were hugging and I just…” Panic filled his voice. “I uh, thought you wanted me to.”
> 
> “What?!” She snapped. “I forgive you, barely hug you, and that means please molest my face?!” She stood up if only to get further away from him. “I am with Shawn, Josh. You **know** that! Fuck, we live together!” 
> 
> He got to his feet, but she stepped backwards as soon as he got even a step closer to her. “I’m sorry.” He told her, feeling like nothing was going as he planned. “Maya, I’m sorry. Please…”
> 
> “I think you need to go.” She told him, giving him plenty of space to get to the door without getting close to her. Defeat was written all over his face as he nodded and moved across the room. He looked up to give her one last apology, but the expression on her face made it clear she didn’t want to hear it.
> 
> Maya locked the door behind him and then leaned back against it. She couldn’t believe what had just happened. She spent years wanting Joshua Matthews to kiss her, and he never once showed any interest in doing it. And now that she was in love, and living with someone else…now he kisses her. How could she have been so wrong about him? How could everything in her life go so wrong so fast?
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> The leggy waitress had come around more times than needed but Maya and Shawn didn’t notice much other than one another. Even when she leaned in to refill his water and put her chest directly in his face, he didn’t waver. Maya couldn’t help but smile. “You know she wants you,” Maya told him as soon as the girl with pretty curls in her hair walked away.
> 
> “She wants a good tip.” Shawn replied with a smile to his younger girlfriend. 
> 
> But Maya just shook her head. “Nope. Not this one. Five bucks says she gives you her number.” 
> 
> Shawn laughed and shook his head. “You’re on.” He held out his hand to hers, shaking on the bet as they grinned at one another. Maya wasn’t surprised when women came on to Shawn, she couldn’t even blame them. She knew all the good things about him – the part that mattered to Maya was that even when another woman showed interest, Shawn’s eyes stayed on her. 
> 
> When the waitress came back with the check and leaned in close to Shawn again. “Call me sometime.” She said in a low almost sultry voice and gave him a smirk. “You won’t regret it.” And her number was written on his copy of the check. 
> 
> Maya bit down on her lip so not to laugh at the obvious display in front of her. Shawn’s face went a little red beneath the scruffy hair and he offered a small smile as he leaned away from the waitress. “Um, thanks…but I have a girlfriend.” He told her and nodded to Maya who was sipping her water just to keep her mouth closed.
> 
> “Oh!” The waitress stood quickly, eyes darting between Shawn and Maya. She’d been sure the young girl was his daughter, not even considering it was a date. “Sorry.” She shrugged towards Maya and then turned once more to Shawn. “Keep the number, just in case.” She smirked and walked off, this time leaving Maya the more surprised of the two.
> 
> “Well she took that further than I thought.” Maya scoffed and rolled her eyes. “But you still owe me five bucks.”
> 
> “Yeah, yeah.” Shawn laughed and reached for her hand as they stood. It wasn’t something that happened often, but it had happened to them both – he’d witnessed Maya being hit on while they were out together as well. If Shawn were completely honest, he expected her to find someone her own age one day, he believed it was only a matter of time. Maya on the other hand, couldn’t – and didn’t want to – imagine a life without Shawn beside her.
> 
> It was hours later before they would speak of it again, while getting ready for bed, Maya began to speak just as Shawn was getting undressed. “Has anyone ever done more than flirt?” 
> 
> Shawn took in a breath as her words washed over him. There was only one reason to ask that – someone had done more than flirt with her. He met her eyes and shook his head. “Nope. But I have a feeling you’re going to give a different answer.” He sat down on the side of the bed in his boxers and looked over at her as she walked out of the bathroom in little more than an old t-shirt.
> 
> Maya didn’t lie to Shawn, but she hadn’t told him about Josh right away, she wasn’t sure how to even bring it up. The waitress that night had given her a good lead-in and it only made sense to take it. Unfortunately it had taken her all night to get up the nerve to talk about it. She hadn’t done anything wrong but she knew better than most that being innocent didn’t keep people from being angry with you anyway. Shawn didn’t like the way she hung her head down, it only made the whole situation feel more ominous.
> 
> “Josh came over here a few days ago.” She began and Shawn held his breath. “He apologized for all he’d said and told me he acted out because he was jealous.” She glanced to Shawn’s eyes and it felt like he could see into her soul. “I told him I would forgive him and he hugged me. It was weird but I hugged him back and then he kissed me.”
> 
> “Okay.” Shawn began with a nod. “Did you…?”
> 
> “I didn’t kiss him. I pushed him away.” She answered quickly, eyes darting back to his. “I yelled at him and told him to leave.”
> 
> Shawn nodded, taking it all in. “Maya?” He started, leaning his head to the side some as he took her in. “Why do you look like you’re about to cry? Is there more to this? You can tell me…”
> 
> “No, I just…I didn’t want you to be mad.”
> 
> “I’m not mad.” He paused at her expression. “Well, not at you.” He amended. “Josh on the other hand...” He sighed as he reached for Maya’s hand and pulling her closer so she would sit beside him on the bed. “I don’t want you to be scared to tell me stuff; even if it went the other way I wouldn’t be angry with you.”
> 
> “You wouldn’t be angry if…what?” She shifted some, facing him with a furrowed brow. “Are you saying if I kissed Josh you wouldn’t be mad at me?” Maya couldn’t believe what she was hearing, how could he say that after just telling her he was angry with Josh?
> 
> Shawn let out a sigh and shrugged. “Maya, I’m old enough to be your dad.”
> 
> “Oh don’t start that shit again.”
> 
> “Just listen. I am older than you, substantially; I am in a different place in life. So if you…found someone your own age, if you found someone you wanted to be with, I wouldn’t hold that against you. I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.” As she hung her head he reached over and tucked back her hair. “What? I’m not trying to upset you…”
> 
> “No, I know.” She began. “But now I feel like a jerk because I would definitely hold it against you.” She gave him a grin then and he couldn’t resist smiling back. 
> 
> “I wouldn’t expect anything else.” He gave her a quick kiss before continuing. “Maya, I’m just telling you that I never want to hold you back. I love you, I want you to be happy…and I know the difference between our ages can be rough. I’m not in my 20’s anymore and you’ve not even begun yours yet. It’s a different lifestyle.”
> 
> “This is the lifestyle I **want** , Shawn. I’m not missing out on anything.” She hesitated then, realizing this was a two-way street. “Do you ever feel like you are? I mean…do you wish I were older or different?” She sat up strong, not wanting him to think she was too weak to answer honestly – but the last thing Shawn Hunter ever thought when it came to Maya was ‘weak’.
> 
> “I have never and will never wish you were anything other than who you are.” He told her, eyes locked on hers. “Would it be easier sometimes if I were younger or you were older? Yeah, of course. But I never asked for easy.” He gave her a smile and reached over to hold her cheek as he pulled her in for a kiss. “I love you.” He spoke against her mouth. 
> 
> “I love you, too.” Maya replied into the kiss as her eyes fell closed. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her as her lips parted. As the kiss deepened, Maya pushed him back on the bed, moving to lay on top of him. She kissed his mouth, his bearded face, down his neck and over his shoulder. Her hot breath made his skin tingle with each kiss. Shawn pushed a hand through her hair as she moved back to his neck, stopping to give the sensitive skin extra attention. 
> 
> His hands slid down her body, slipping beneath the elastic waist of her panties and resting against her butt. As soon as her teeth sunk into his neck, his fingers gripped her firm ass tightly and pulled her against him. He groaned out and tilted his neck slightly as she smiled against his skin. Maya pulled back and sat up, straddling his hips. His hands stayed where they were as he looked up at her – so beautiful and perfect. She gave him a grin before she pulled off her shirt to match him in nothing but underwear. 
> 
> Shawn couldn’t resist, sitting up and leaving kisses over newly exposed skin. He gave her ass another squeeze when she rolled her hips against him as she gently drug her nails over his shoulders. She broke away from him then, grinning as she stood up on the bed – forcing his hands off her body. But he knew that look – that playful smirk on her lips that told him there was more to come. She moved to stand in the center of the bed and pushed down her panties giving him a prime view – until she got them around her ankle and stumbled to step out of them. She let out a slight squeal as she fell, expecting to hit the floor – but instead he grabbed her quickly and pulled her to him. 
> 
> The room filled with laughter from the both of them between more kisses. Now naked and in his arms, Shawn’s hands roamed over her soft skin. He teased and toyed between gropes and squeezes as he leaned over her on the bed. This time his mouth was locked on hers as she lay back and his hand reached down for her thigh. He brushed his fingers over her skin and her legs parted at his touch. He touched her softly, almost teasingly as he kissed her, feeling her breathing change with each slide of his finger. But as soon as she began to breath heavy she stopped kissing him and grabbed at his arm. “Stop.” She breathed out. “I want **you**.”
> 
> Shawn grinned and leaned down to kiss her once more. “What part of me?” He teased – landing him a smack to the arm before being pushed away by the naked girl below him. He let out a laugh as he rolled to his back and watched her.
> 
> “I think you know.” She told him with a chuckle as she reached for his boxers and tugged them down. Shawn kicked them away and watched his beautiful girlfriend as she came closer. Maya wasted no time as she moved closer to him, straddling his hips. She dug her nails into his chest as she sank down slowly on his cock, her eyes closing as her lips parted. She loved being with him – she was sure no one in the world fit her like he did. 
> 
> Shawn, too, let out a groan before he breathed out the words “God, I love you.” His fingers slid up her thighs and took hold of her hips as she began to move. They both repeated the declarations of love several more times before they finished. Her sweaty body collapsed against his and he instantly wrapped arms around her. He lay holding her as they both caught their breaths. After a few soft kisses against her arm Shawn breathed out. “I don’t deserve you.”
> 
> “You deserve better.” She replied just as softly, ignoring him as he shook his head.


	10. January 2021

> “You can’t be serious.” Cory spoke with a solemn expression, his stomach churning with the truth in his best friend’s words. Shawn just looked on, watching Cory, waiting for more…waiting for the blow up he was sure would come. The blow up that always came when he didn’t approve of something Shawn did. But this time it didn’t come. Cory just stared back – wanting so much for Shawn to laugh, to tell him it was a joke - this wasn’t happening. It was one thing when he got involved with her in the beginning. But no one thought it would last – they all knew it was doomed to fail. And while Cory and Topanga had both said they wouldn’t be there to pick up the pieces, they knew the truth. They’d be there for Shawn when Maya eventually left.
> 
> But now Shawn sat across from the friend he’d know more than 25 years. Shawn looked younger somehow. He had small creases next to his eyes from smiling but they didn’t add to his age. He looked the way Cory wished he’d looked at 25…young and happy. Shawn had never let off the air of being carefree, of being free of pain and a depth of loneliness that no one could cure. Until now. And Cory wanted to be happy about it, he’d wanted to see that look for so long – but to see it now wasn’t right.
> 
> “I wouldn’t joke about this, man.” Shawn finally said, his smile faltering some. Why couldn’t they be happy for him? Sure, it was unconventional, but why did that have to matter? This was all he’d ever wanted in life, all Maya had ever wanted…they’d found one another, they were so happy and life was only getting better.
> 
> Cory just shook his head as if trying to clear a fog from his eyes. What did Shawn expect him to say? Congratulations? How could he congratulate them when they were making such a terrible mistake? And now…now it was so much worse.
> 
> “Cory?” Shawn began again. “I want you to be my best man.” Vulnerability was all over his face. A part of him he’d pushed away knew this was going to happen but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. 
> 
> His best man. How could he do that? How could he stand beside Shawn as he married his daughter’s best friend? How could he support this? It was bad enough they’d been sleeping together, living together. He supposed he should have seen it coming, he should have known neither of them were going to walk away. They were both too damaged to let go of someone who loved them – even if it was the wrong kind of love.
> 
> Once they’d wanted Shawn to be with Katy – before the drugs, before the chaos – they’d wanted him to be Maya’s father…not her husband. And Katy, what did Katy have to say about any of this? Was she in the picture any longer? “Shawn, are you sure about this?”
> 
> Shawn sighed. “You just don’t get it, Cor. This isn’t some little phase either of us is going to move on from. We’re happy, we love each other.” He smiled softly once more. “We’re a family, she and I.”
> 
> “I’m your family.”
> 
> “You are. And so is she. Cory, I’m going to marry her. I want you to be there. I want you to be my best man.” Shawn watched his oldest friend. Shawn rarely asked anything of anyone – to ask this of Cory wasn’t something he took lightly. “But if you don’t want to do that, I will understand.” Because Shawn always understood, he made himself understand sometimes. Just to keep the pain at bay. He was the strong one – especially now. 
> 
> “I…I don’t know, Shawn. I just, I need to process this.” Shawn nodded, though he thought it was a lie. He and Maya had been together a year, Cory had known…what was there to process?
> 
> “Okay, Cor.” He replied, giving Cory’s arm a pat. “Let me know.” With another nod, Shawn was standing – leaving Cory to ‘process’ it all as he walked away. Shawn let the pain hit him as soon as he was out of sight. His face falling and throat feeling tight. He asked nothing of anyone, all he’d ever wanted was a family of his own. And his best friend, the one who called him brother…couldn’t find a way to be happy for him, to even accept it as real.
> 
> That evening it was Maya’s turn to curl her arms around Shawn, to hold him as he lay silently, letting his disappointment and pain hang over him like a dark cloud. She’d known as soon as he walked in the door that something was wrong – it was written all over his face. He hadn’t wanted to tell her – to do anything to take the beautiful smile from her face – but lying to her wasn’t an option. She pulled him close when he explained where he’d been. 
> 
> She wanted to hate them, the ones who could only hurt them so deep because there was so much love there. But hating them was impossible – for both her and Shawn. She stroked his hair and whispered how much she loved him, wanting to surround him in a love that could shield him in all of this – like he did for her. “Forget them, forget them all.” She told him, knowing he couldn’t. “Marry me.”
> 
> Shawn turned in her arms, facing her with his nose almost touching hers. “I’m going to. This doesn’t change that, will never change that.”
> 
> “No, I mean right now. Let’s go right now…fuck them, Shawn, it’s not about them. It’s about you and me. This is _ours_.”
> 
> He couldn’t help the smile, and it only grew when he realized how serious she was. It wasn’t something she said just to cheer him up, she would leave right then if he so chose. She sat up, looking down at him. “Shawn, I love you. Nothing else matters to me, not as much as this.” She told him, taking his hand. “Let’s just go…let’s get on a plane and go…to some island somewhere and get married on a beach with bare feet…no worries, no rules. Just you and me.”
> 
> “Just you and me?” He asked again, sitting up as well. 
> 
> She nodded, reaching out to touch his bearded cheek. “Only you and me.” The smile on her lips was all he needed to see before he closed the gap between them.
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> One week and three days later, Shawn stood next to Maya on a private resort beach in Hawaii. She wasn’t dressed to the nines as Riley had been in her fairytale wedding, Maya wore a simple white dress that drug against the sand and blew with the wind all around her legs. She looked more beautiful than he had words for. He felt like he was in shambles beside her in slacks and a white button up shirt…but she saw nothing but perfection as she looked into his eyes. Both barefoot with the tide coming in as they stood before a man in traditional Hawaii garb and spoke vows to one another.
> 
> Shawn vowed his love eternally to her, to forever protect her and stand by her, to be her equal in every way and never let her go. Maya promised him family in herself till the end of time, promised to stand at his side in turn and mocked ‘till death do us part’ as she vowed to love him beyond death. Both vowing their love for the ages and that nothing would break them as they stood strongest together. And when they kissed, the water began to lap at their feet.
> 
> With some long-distance help from Farkle, the wedding was streamed online for Riley and the others. Cory and Topanga watched on their laptop – both with mixed emotions. Cory didn’t try to call Shawn back until after he’d left – not leaving a message when the phone went to voicemail. He’d talk to him eventually…but it was too late – something Cory didn’t learn until he received the video link from Maya. 
> 
> Let them see, she thought, let them see what they’re missing and regret how they treated him. Let them see him smile and see how happy he is and regret not being a part of it. She wanted to prove it to them, prove it wasn’t wrong. She wanted to show them their approval and attendance wasn’t needed. She wanted to hurt them – like they hurt Shawn. 
> 
> By the time she was standing with flowers in her hair beside Shawn she’d forgotten completely that she’d even sent it, all she saw was Shawn. Thoughts of vengeance and pain were gone as she held onto him and spoke of love and family. And while she’d kissed him hundreds of times, kissing him now felt different, like the impact of what it all meant was felt in her lips.
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> Cory stared for a long time at the blank screen once the video stream ended. Topanga watched him cautiously, he’d decided to stand by Shawn, even though neither of them agreed with the marriage, but he’d waited too long. Cory rarely had to deal with the repercussions of his actions… rarely did anything so bad happen to him that he felt true regret…he could likely count on one hand how many times he wanted to change the past. But she knew this was definitely one of them. Cory often turned to anger when things went so terribly and he had no control and this time was no different, Topanga could see it bubbling to the surface even as he tried to push it down.
> 
> “She did this on purpose.” He said in a low tone. “She’s always been a bad influence, first on our daughter, then my brother, now Shawn.” Anything he could blame Maya for, he would. It was better than taking any blame himself.
> 
> “Cory…” Topanga began softly. “You can’t put this on her. Shawn chose-.”
> 
> “Shawn **CHOSE** not to invite me to his wedding.” And she sighed as he spoke. “If he really wanted us there, he’d have invited us. Did you see _ANYONE_ there?! No! Because he’s as ashamed of this as we are.”
> 
> Topanga knew…she knew he was seeing things as he wanted to see them. But much like their best friend just had – she’d taken her own vows with Cory. She would support him and be at his side…even when he was being an idiot.
> 
> Cory held onto grudges, it was one of his greatest downfalls so Topanga knew this wasn’t going away overnight. Though she convinced him to be civil. “What’s done is done, Cory.” She told him. “They’re married, it’s not going away. You need to talk to them and make peace.” She’d been vehemently against Shawn and Maya, but once they got married, she knew there was no point in fighting it any longer. Shawn would never walk away from her – from his wife, his family…and Maya was much the same. Topanga wondered if the girl would ever marry, but once she did Topanga knew she wasn’t one to leave. They were too much alike in that way for this to ever end.
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> “You sure about this?” Maya asked, her stomach churning as they approached the Matthew’s apartment. Something didn’t feel right about this visit, invited or not. She felt like a rabbit walking into the bear den.
> 
> “Gotta do it sometime.” Shawn replied, his hand in hers. They’d spent a week in Hawaii, between the beaches, the ocean and the honeymoon suite. He’d pampered her, never left her side. Anything she wanted, he gave her. But all she’d wanted was to be with him. Now, back in New York, it was time to see the people they’d left behind to marry alone. Riley had been thrilled to see them, hugging them both, so happy they were both married now – though she scolded Maya some for running away to get married. She told Maya she’d have flown to Hawaii - a fact that never escaped the blonde. Lucas had been coming to better terms with Maya’s choice in a husband since the wedding. It felt more proper now they were married and not just living together. It was still awkward to see her married to someone so much older – but the way they were together made it almost seem like there was no difference between them.
> 
> But now it was time to see Cory and Topanga. Maya had come clean to Shawn a few days after the ceremony about the video. Explaining how angry she’d been, that she’d wanted them to see it. She expected him to be angry, but he just smiled and told her it was okay. He loved her for wanting to protect him, for being who she was. 
> 
> “Well, if it isn’t the Hunters.” Cory said with clear distain in his voice. Shawn had almost expected it, though Cory’s voicemail had left him confused as to what to expect. Maya just gave Shawn’s hand a squeeze as she met his eyes, trying to show him it would all be okay, they were united. 
> 
> “Cor, I’m – “
> 
> “No.” Maya stopped him. “You promised you wouldn’t apologize to him.” Shawn let out a sigh he’d hoped this would be easy...but he’d married Maya, he knew better than to hope for easy. Cory glared at Maya and she turned on him. “You made your choice and I’m tired of this. It’s not some taboo thing, we’re married.”
> 
> “Oh, I know you are.” Cory told her, eyes just as hard, covering his pain with pure anger. “And did it all alone, No family there to share in the _joyous_ occasion?” His tone cut like a knife. She had no family; neither did Shawn – not really. A brother he never saw, dead parents and a best friend who was anything but supportive and her? A junkie mom and a dad who abandoned her when she was five. 
> 
> But she smiled and lifted her hand linked with Shawn’s between them. “Family.” She said simply. 
> 
> Shawn didn’t really understand what was happening. He was expecting a fight with Cory but Maya had charged into one herself. Was she protecting him again? “Maya. Stop.” He said softly, pulling her small frame against him. “Cor, listen. I know the whole thing made you uncomfortable. So we decided to elope, no discomfort or anyone else’s concerns. Just her and I.” He tried to explain, but didn’t like the words as they came out of his own mouth. “I mean, really Cor, if you wanted to be a part of it, you would have said so when I asked you. We didn’t leave for more than week after you and I talked…” 
> 
> As Shawn shrugged a little, Maya turned to face him. “Tell him the truth.” She insisted. “You do this every time; you find some reason to take the blame for him. Tell him what he did.” As he looked down into her blue eyes, he saw no one else for a moment. She **_was_** protecting him, she was trying to help him, help him help himself. She knew more than he ever realized. 
> 
> “What truth?” Cory spat out, leaving his wife to just sigh and let it happen. 
> 
> “You brought it on yourself!” Maya snapped, and Shawn pulled her back. He couldn’t let her do this.
> 
> “You didn’t want to be a part of it, Cory, you know you didn’t. No one needs two weeks to think about if they want to be the best man in their oldest friend’s wedding. I didn’t for your wedding, I knew right away. But you did. You didn’t want to talk, you didn’t call.” He looked down for a minute. “It hurt. And Maya helped me to realize something.” He ignored Cory’s scoff at Maya having a part in the decisions Shawn made. “She reminded me that I’m marrying her…not you. That it’s **our** day, and I don’t need to do anything on that day to please you or anyone else.”
> 
> “No Shawn, **_she_** made you choose and you chose her. She suggested you take off, and you did. She comes in her with attitude and anger and you follow.” Cory replied. “I never asked you to choose. I even called to tell you I’d support you. But you were already gone. Couldn’t even wait a week for me, could you? If you wanted me there, I’d have been there. You didn’t. Don’t know why you even bothered with the charade of asking me…and then for her to send that video, just rub it in our face?” Cory just shook his head as if ashamed of his best friend. “Ever since SHE came into your life romantically, you’ve turned into someone else, Shawn. I don’t know you anymore.” He paused and glared at Maya. “And I’m not sure I want to.”
> 
> Shawn couldn’t comprehend it all for a moment, what was happening? It was until Cory moved past him and opened the door, staring at him and his wife as he waited for them to leave, that Shawn got it. He was being kicked out. A friendship of more than 25 years was ending. And while part of him was very sad, another was incredibly angry.
> 
> “Screw you!” He snapped, not giving into Cory’s guilt. Maya’s eyes went wide and she suppressed a smile. Finally he was standing up for himself. “ ** _She_** is my  wife. I love her and I will stand by her until the end. And you, you are just a dick who didn’t get his way and wants to make me feel bad about it. All my life I’ve tried to live up to something the Matthews had I never would…and I never felt like I could, not really. I’ve never in my life felt like I belonged anywhere until Maya. How dare you try to make me feel bad about that? Ever. I asked you to be my best man, I was fucking _happy_ , and you couldn’t even look at me. Don’t you stand there and tell me I’m in the wrong. I asked, you didn’t answer. Why should I spend my life waiting for your approval? I never ask you for anything. Not really. I have always done for myself. And the one time I come to you with something real, you are more worried about yourself than me – as usual. Grow up, Cory.” 
> 
> And with that he swept Maya out of the apartment they both knew well. Shawn had wanted his best friend to be happy for him and Cory had wanted his best friend to just want him there. Neither bothered to give the other a chance to keep speaking, and both too stubborn to make the first move and call first. Maya had heard stories of them, their bond stronger than anything…but not strong enough to survive her. Had she killed things between them? Shawn assured her she hadn’t, but it continued to linger inside her. She’d wanted to push Cory to apologize – something he rarely did – and see how he made Shawn feel. She wanted to protect the man she loved…but in the end she feared she’d only made it worse.


	11. February 2022

> Cory and Shawn spent the next year avoiding one another. No calls, no texts, not even an email to ask how life had been. Much was changing in both of their lives – though neither knew much about the other any longer. Shawn and Maya had moved again, and while Riley knew – she refused to be a go-between for the grown men who couldn’t solve disputes. The couple now lived in Brooklyn where Maya still painted in the kitchen but no longer smoked on the fire escape. They lived above a Mexican restaurant that often came in handy for nights neither wanted to cook. 
> 
> They made new friends in the neighborhood, and no one had once questioned the age difference between the two – something they relished in. They’d had enough of those questions and side-glances. Now that they were so content with one another, without the negative influences in their lives, no one seemed to notice it. Shawn had a few gray hairs but life with Maya kept him feeling young, and he gave off the impression to most others. 
> 
> Katy had never come back into Maya’s life and while it pained her not to know where her mother was, Maya knew she couldn’t help someone who wouldn’t try to help themselves. She thought she saw Ray once and nearly flinched as she walked past the man, but when he turned, she saw it was someone else and heart racing heart began to slow. She was sure the memories of what happened to her wouldn’t ever leave her completely fear-free. But in the same respect, she knew it happened for a reason. It had led to Shawn, to see him different. To know he’d never hurt her, never leave. 
> 
> Maya was now in a place in life that she never imagined she’d be. Married, happy, in love, not alone. Her hands moved down over her swelled stomach as she looked around her home – a home for once. She’d learned so much in her life, experienced so much. And as she looked down she knew - it was still only the beginning. A picture on the far wall caught her attention. Cory, Shawn and Topanga on their first day in NYC, fearful and excited in the new place they didn’t know. It only served to remind her that while her own life felt perfect for the first time, she knew her husbands was lacking something important. 
> 
> When she felt the clench in her gut, she knew what she had to do. She knew how to make this better.
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> Maya was the last person Cory expected to see when he opened the door that Tuesday afternoon. Especially not _THIS_ Maya. His eyes went wide as he looked down at her. With a hand on her back – which seemed to be hurting her – Maya’s stomach swelled out into a large bump. Pregnant. Not just pregnant, VERY pregnant. He looked at her in shock and awe. How did this happen, how did he not know about it...and what was she doing there?
> 
> “Maya?” He blinked a few times and glanced back inside at Topanga – looking just as surprised as he was. 
> 
> “The one and only.” She muttered as she pushed past him and moved inside. She didn’t wait to be invited as she sat on the couch and took a couple deep breaths. After a moment of composing herself she looked at the shocked couple standing before her. “Hi.”
> 
> “Hi…” Cory replied, still wide-eyed.
> 
> “Maya…my god.” Topanga began. “I had no idea, how are you?” She asked, moving to sit beside the not-so-little blonde. 
> 
> “In labor.” Maya said as if she was saying it was raining outside. 
> 
> “What?!” Cory exclaimed. “You…why are you? What?!”
> 
> “Yup.” She nodded, taking a few more deep breaths. “Three days past my due date.” She shushed Topanga as she tried to assess the situation and only looked at Cory. “And I’m gonna have him right here on your couch if you don’t call Shawn.” 
> 
> “Shawn?! I’m calling an ambulance.”
> 
> “No!” She snapped. “Call Shawn!” The order so strong and loud Cory froze staring at her almost startled. But as she winced and held her stomach as the pained clench hit her he felt actual fear and he quickly did as she asked with any thoughts of the fight now out of his head. Topanga held Maya’s hand and tried to remember how to breathe to show Maya.
> 
> “Cory?” Shawn seemed shocked to see the number appear on his phone.
> 
> “Yeah. So hey did you know Maya’s pregnant? Because I did, want to know how? Because she’s about to have your baby on my couch!!”
> 
> Shawn had never moved so fast in his entire life, paying a cabdriver extra to speed – expressing his wife was having a baby and he needed to go…it still felt like it took too long. By the time Shawn had arrived Maya’s was sitting on the couch with her feet up and sipping a bottle of water. He burst through the door, panting. He’d not waited for the elevator but instead ran up the stairs. He ignored everyone in the room as he rushed to Maya’s side. “He’s coming? It’s time? Are you okay?!” He was panicked and Maya smiled and took his hand. 
> 
> “Yeah, he is.” She hugged him then, breathing in the soothing smell against his neck. “I’m okay.” She looked comfortable and content and it threw Shawn off. 
> 
> “Why are you here?! I was on my way home.”
> 
> “Because I wanted...” She began but paused as he face scrunched up. She gripped Shawn’s hand and knocked over the bottle of water as she curled up in pain. “Shit, I’ sorry.
> 
> “What do I do?!” He asked, frantically turning to Topanga and Cory. Topanga nearly laughed as she grabbed a towel for the water while Cory looked just as helpless. 
> 
> “You’re doing it, breathe.” Topanga told him – entirely too calm for Shawn’s taste. She glanced to her watch. “Fifteen minutes now, Maya, we need to get to the hospital.”
> 
> “Only if you come.” She told Topanga, looking to Cory as well. But they both hesitated, looking to one another. What was this? Why would she want them to come…they still didn’t really know why she was even there.
> 
> “You heard her.” Shawn said. “Let’s go!” And without effort he lifted his petite wife off the couch.
> 
>  
> 
> **\+ + + + +**
> 
> “That was a stupid stunt you pulled.” Shawn told his wife as he sat beside her on the hospital bed, holding their son. “You knew you were in labor, you could have had him in the cab!” 
> 
> She fessed up about going there on purpose, calling them out on all being too sappy to not forgive each other for everything when there was a baby coming. “You are all too predictable.” She told him without any shame. “I knew it would work.”
> 
> “Ridiculous, woman.” He teased, unable to truly be mad at her. After all she was right, she did know him well…all of them were too sappy to hold grudges now. “You wanna hold him?” He asked, holding out the small pink baby wrapped up in blue and white blankets. As she nodded, Shawn eased their son into her arms and then moved to sit closer to her.
> 
> She leaned in to kiss his head, breathing him in. “He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” She told Shawn, unable to take her eyes off her son. She watched his little face as he slept in her arms. “I will be with you all your life.” She whispered. “Your daddy and I…we don’t leave.” She never noticed the way her words made her husband’s eyes well. 
> 
> Shawn cleared his throat at the knock at the door, “Come in!” He called giving his eyes a quick swipe just as their second family entered the room. Cory, Topanga, Auggie, Lucas and a pregnant Riley, followed closely by Farkle who smiled brightly at his own rule-breaking. Only three in a room? Were they crazy? They didn’t know this family. 
> 
> Maya smiled, not wiping the tears from her tired eyes as they all crowded around _her_ family. “This is Chet Matthew Hunter.” She told them, Riley immediately reaching for the small baby and cuddling him close to her chest. 
> 
> Maya smiled as she rested her head over onto Shawn as she watched them all, listening to them all praise her son and praise her. **Now** it was complete. She thought as she closed her eyes, finally allowing herself to drift off to sleep with a bustling sounds of family around her. 


End file.
